FORGIVING

Prayer of a Broken Man

 

                What am I supposed to do?  I feel like I have taken a giant step backwards in a matter of moments. How do you deal with impossible people? Tonight I was attacked on every side and I failed. I got sucked into the games, I allowed this to distract me and wear on me. I only want what is best for my daughters, why must everything be a battle.

                God what am I to do? I fear I am losing everything, I feel it slowly slipping and I am losing my focus. Draw me back to you. I am crushed and heartbroken, empty and torn, I am drifting. I feel so alone and helpless. I am trying to do what is right. I pray and ask for your strength and love – I ask that you help me forgive and treat them out of love; God how do you love those that hate everything about you. Those that are so irrational and deceitful – how do you love us?

                God I cannot do anything without you. I do not have the strength in me to even calm myself so I can sleep. My future is so uncertain – it is scary and seemingly ready to destroy me at a moment’s notice. All I value and hold dear are hanging by a single thread and it is fraying. Why bring me this far to crush me? I know you are good and your ways are always the best and just – God help me to see past my current struggle, my current trial, help me to focus on the victory. Forgive my fears - my fears show my lack of faith. You are the creator of all things; I know you can carry me through this. God because I know I cannot. I am empty and broken.

                For years I have tried to figure out my path. Tonight I am broken. I am beaten down and I feel totally alone and misunderstood. I feel like I am alone against the world and there is no encouragement, no justice, no support, and no hope. Renew my spirit oh God. Take me in your wings and protect me. Mend my broken spirit and cleanse me of my sins. God I have been sifted, if I must endure more I ask for your strength to endure. I do not know your ways, I do not know your reasons, but I do know you are God and you are good. I will trust in you. “Some trust in chariots and some in horses, but we trust in the name of the Lord our God.” (Psalm 20:7)

                You know the desires of my heart and you know my path. You know the purpose for which I was created. I have spent enough of my life trying to do things my way – whenever I failed to do it 100% your way, I failed to submit to you. Forgive me. My life, my daughters, and our future are in your hands. I do not know how Abraham felt; I can only imagine when you told him to sacrifice Isaac the conflict he must have had in his heart. God you know the tremendous faith he showed taking him up that hill, God strengthen me… I am walking up my hill and I have to trust that you will provide for me just as you did Abraham.

Forgive me for viewing them as my daughters – they are yours. I praise you for loaning them to me and allowing me to be in their lives.  May I never taint their perception of you, you have allowed me to share the title of father – but I know that I am only a sinful man. God may they see your light in me, may I model your behaviors and encourage them on their walk. If there is anything in me that can hinder them I ask you to remove it. I have played enough games in my life, wasted enough time, squandered enough gifts and talents… I am sorry.

God forgive me. I am nothing without you. You can do all things and you do not need me for any of them. It is only by your grace that we are invited into a relationship with you, that you allow us to know you, and that you gave us your Son so we may be reunited with you for eternity. God how selfish am I? I cannot fathom losing my daughters for a day. How much did it take to allow your blameless and perfect son to suffer, be tortured and murdered by the very people he was sent to save? I cannot understand that kind of love – I can only stand in awe and be thankful for your mercy. 

God I am heartbroken – not only for my current trials and situation, but the reality that each time I sin I am the reason Jesus died. That your law is clear, you tell us repeatedly that the price of sin is death… how often do we try to white wash our sins? We are making a mockery of your son’s sacrifice. I am so sorry. We take your mercy and grace so lightly – we have allowed ourselves to become accustomed to saying a quick little prayer and moving on.  We have allowed our concept of a “relationship” with you as a quick bath – “Ask God to forgive me and I am good. Go to church on Sunday to start the week off with a clean slate.” What happens if we die on Wednesday? Or how about Saturday night? Your son was beaten, broken, and died a horrifying and brutal death all for me. How can we forget that? How have I failed to understand that I cause the need for that sacrifice on dozens of occasions DAILY? Maybe we are just so sinful that we cannot distinguish our own level of sin.

God I have prayed for you to teach me to love like you – to give me the love you speak of in the Bible…. I thank you for the works you have begun in me. I find comfort in, “Be confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus” (Phil 1:6). I did not know exactly what my prayers entailed, but I will not change it. I know that these trials and sifting are all part of your purpose for me and you are changing my heart and I thank you. I will praise you in the suffering because I know you have a purpose and that if it were not necessary you would not subject me to it. You are good.

I forgive my anger tonight, my actions, my thoughts, my pride, arrogance, and the haste at which I went to them. Instead of turning straight to you as the pressure mounted I tried to “make sense” of the situation. I tried to grab the wheel. Forgive me. Cover me in your love, your joy, and your peace. May I keep my eyes on you and submit to your guidance and will – may I hear you clearly as the noise of the world rages around me. May I know your voice so distinctly that I can focus solely on you during those times.

God you are so good to me. You have blessed me beyond anything I could ever deserve. I thank you for your faithfulness and goodness. God I ask that those that oppose me in various areas of my life, that you show them your love and may they know you. May they see you in me, may I not allow my flesh to taint your image and may my interactions with them be consistent to your character. God I am so sorry… Thank you for your son and the gift you gave me.

-Amen

Are You Adding To It?

Proverbs 30:5-6  "Every word of God is flawless; he is a shield to those who take refuge in him. Do not add to his words, or he will rebuke you and prove you a liar."

 

    How often do we choose to operate in that gray area, decide that "God actually meant" or "God made me so he understands my weaknesses." What prideful statements! Instead of spending all that time looking for loopholes, why not spend half of it truly knowing His word and the rest of the time on our knees?

Better to be Right or Happy?

Proverbs 27:15-16  "A quarrelsome wife is like a constant dripping on a rainy day; restraining her is like restraining the wind or grasping oil with the hand."

    No one likes to be nagged or feel like they are constantly on the verge of a fight. Why do people nag? Sometimes they feel they are being ignored and somehow by constantly repeating themselves it will help the situation. Or they feel that they are right and if the other person would only stop to listen then they would miraculously understand and most importantly agree with their position.

    Nagging limits communication. Once a person starts the assault, the other person shuts down and effective communication is lost. Hostilities and resentments mount, they may agree with your position but more to stop the assault than actually agreeing with you. But what is most important? Of course the person doing the nagging does not view their "discussions" or "reminders" as nagging at all, but ask the person on the other end of the conversation how they feel. Effective communication is based on how the person communicating conveys their intent to the other person and the responses they invoke.

    Before we try to "help" someone we might be better off to pause and ask ourselves what we are trying to accomplish through this exchange? Are we trying to explain the necessity for the plates to be place facing front to back versus sidewaysin the dish washer because there is some cleanliness benefit; or are we simply trying to convince the other person that our way is best? Maybe the bigger picture is that we should just be happy the plates are in the dishwasher being cleaned vice sitting in the sink.

    The next time we start to impart our wisdom on someone, maybe we should ask ourselves a couple questions: What am I trying to gain or accomplish by having this conversation? And, Is it better to be happy or right?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Loving Your Enemies...

Proverbs 25:21 "If your enemy is hungry, give him food to eat; if he is thirsty, give him water to drink. In doing this, you will heap burning coals on his head, and the Lord will reward you."

 

  Most of us look at this passage and see it as a message of hope, justice, and even a bit of revenge. What better way to interpret this passage than if you can "heap burning coals" on the head of those who are your enemies. But is that the real message?

    I think the key to this passage is the condition of your heart. When we do "some thing good" for our enemies but have revenge on the heart, does it count? I don't believe that is the intent of the message. Jesus tells us to "Love your neighbor as yourself." (Matt 23:39) and He tells us to "Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you.... Be perfect, therefore, as your heavenly Father is perfect."(Matt 5:43-48). How can we claim to have God's love and try to "do good" for vengeful motives?

    I believe this verse is something for us to strive for - that we may be able to genuinely pray for someone and respond to them out of love, a true love, and allow God to deal with the justice part. We always want God to be just to those who have wronged us and to be merciful to us when we have wronged someone.

    I believe the rewards God will give us is not watching our enemies being consumed, no matter how much we might initially want to see them suffer, but I believe we will experience His peace and joy when we have truly learned to love our enemies. Just my thoughts, but something to consider.

I Said I Was Sorry....

Proverbs 21:3  "To do what is right and just is more acceptable to the Lord than a sacrifice."

 
    

    This verse is so simple. I believe that too often we get caught up in the apology that we minimize the deed. When we say we are sorry it does not erase the transgression, even forgiven acts have consequences.

    When someone wrongs us, as Christians we must forgive them - the apology is a non issue. The apology may help ease the process of forgiving, but it is not vital. However just because an apology is given, does that erase the need to forgive? No. The damage is done and healing has to occur. In society we like to think that an apology makes it all better and typically the offender seems to minimize the hurt they caused... " I said I was sorry, what more do you want?"

    As Christians we were given an amazing gift and a way to be cleansed of our sins. Only God can separate us from our transgressions and forget about them - something we can not possibly understand completely. Stop to think about the amount of time that passes between our sins and our confession - or better yet, the time between when we commit a sinand the time we feel convicted and led to deal with it. We sometimes fool ourselves in to believing that the second we confess a sin that everything is ok, and it might be to a degree, but there are still consequences for our actions. It would be so much simpler to 5just do what was right the first time. Think about what Jesus said in John 14:15  "If you love me, you will obey what I command." 

Why So Angry????

Psalm 51:2,9 "Wash me clean from my guilt. Purify me from my sin." "Don't keep looking at my sins. Remove the stain of my guilt."

    Have you ever had that gnawing inside? That anxiety that comes from knowing you have wronged someone but you are too ashamed to come clean. Or how about that restlessness that comes from knowing what you are doing is wrong? It is all guilt.

    We experience guilt for various reasons but it always serves the same purpose, to remind us that we have some unresolved issues to deal with. Guilt is like a flashing red light, a warning that something is wrong, though unfortunately sometimes we have conditioned ourselves to simply accept the light or lock it in a closet. People can become numb to guilt or worse yet, we can fix our guilt on someone else and use it to justify our unloving behavior towards them.

    Have you ever been wronged? Someone did something to you or against you that was just not right. You may have forgiven them and moved on, but they still act hostile? You did not retaliate, you try to treat them with respect of love - but all they spew is nastiness? Ever stop to wonder why? Sometimes we are a reminder of their guilt, the unresolved issues they have locked away and refused to deal with - so whenever they see us they get this gnawing, negative feeling and associate it with us. Is it technically our fault - most often not. What can we do? Pray. Pray that they will find the peace they need, that God will help them deal with the unforgiveness in their heart, the guilt etc. It will only fuel the fire if we respond to their anger and bitterness in kind, it will only allow them to continue to justify the hostility.

    That was the easy part - someone has wronged us... Now what red lights have you locked in a closet? Is there one you have become so accustomed to that you have tricked yourself into believing that it is just a necessary part of life?  God never called us to carry around guilt and unforgiveness - we are to forgive so we are forgiven and confess our sins so we are cleansed. Guilt is an indication something is wrong, not a feeling we should accept or project.