I have been working through forgiving someone for a few years now, it has not been easy though I think I have made considerable progress. I have learned to set boundaries as well as how to just walk away. The hardest thing I have had to learn is that the lies do not matter nor does being right. From my experiences letting a person's lies get to you, makes you angry, and frustrating you only does one thing - it upsets you. The other person knows the truth and those that really matter I am sure will figure things out. In Proverbs there is a verse that I love, "The first to present his case seems right, till another comes forward and questions him." (18:17) The truth will always come out. The second part I had to learn was even harder than letting a lie go without allowing it to anger me - that you do not have to be right all the time! I am not saying that you do not need to do what is right and just in God's eyes. Think about an argument over something insignificant. If the person you are arguing with is determined to defend their position at all costs, then what is the point in trying to "prove that you are right"? There is a fine line between a discussion and an argument, once it crosses the line and becomes an argument you must really assess if it is worth it. Often times it is not. These have been some of the hardest lessons I have had to learn and I continue to learn. If you can walk away and save yourself the stress, anger, and bitterness that we often experience as a result of an argument - think of how much better of you will be.
The person I am working through forgiving loves to pick and fight, it is almost as if they live for it. For many years I was a more than willing participant and there were some "heated discussions". Those fights left many scars, deep wounds, and painful memories, some of which I am sure I have yet to understand. I am a very logical person, very detail oriented and a thinker - the person that I am trying to forgive followed no apparent logic and would constantly change their position in an attempt to win. For me at the time, there was nothing more frustrating than to argue with someone that had no clear position - I am sure that someone can relate. I have learned as I try to forgive them and seek their forgiveness, that I allowed myself to be a pawn in some twisted game. I would get so frustrated and angry,I would walk away and replay the argument in my head for hours or days. Every time I replayed the fight my heart rate would go up, I would feel the tension in my neck, and even feel my jaw tighten - for what? I was wasting so much time over something insignificant and missing the real issue - the bitterness and anger were consuming me. The longer I stewed over things and held on to those powerful emotions and feelings, the more I distanced myself from God.
What purpose does being right have? We live in an unjust world, a world that celebrates self, and one that continually tries to avoid God - who cares if this world thinks we are right? Our peace resides in God and God alone. Ironically the person I fought with all those years, they rarely held on to anything and often failed to acknowledge a fight even occurred, the typical "what is your deal?" In the past year I have been able to walk away more and more, to not pick up the gauntlet and accept the challenge - and strangely enough I have found more peace and understanding in the last year than I have known in quite sometime... So before you fight or argue ask yourself is it worth it? Or is it something that will not matter in the morning? Am I prepared to do the things I need to in order to make peace with God, this person, and myself? There are times and things that are worth arguing or fighting for, but I have found they are not a prevalent as we might think... Is it worth it?
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