I will never understand why parents use their children as pawns when dealing with their ex's. The "Soup Nazi" episode came to mind today as I was listening to my ex. She told me that I can not have my children on Father's Day... "NO KIDS FOR YOU!!" She said that she had made plans to take them to Disneyland Saturday and would not be back until later Sunday. After a few heated exchanges she offered to meet me at 1 o'clock but wanted me to bring them back to her that evening. Let me think, hmmm she is going to leave Disneyland, drive the two hours here and let me see my children for 3 or 4 hours at most - oh yeah during their nap time! - Too late for lunch, not enough time for dinner, but just enough to rush them to me to cover herself legally.
I do not claim to be a perfect parent, I try but I do make mistakes. I have tried to create an environment where my girls feel safe and secure in discussing anything with me, and for the most part they do. The Friday before Mother's Day I bought some things for the girls to paint and make her a card - granted it was not too extravagant, but we talked about "Mommy's Special Day". She is pregnant, 7 months, and just recently told the girls about the baby coming. They were excited but still a little anxious. I told them that once the baby is born I would take them shopping to buy their brother a gift. I just want them to feel able to talk to me about their feeling and concerns, but I am not sure why the courtesy is not returned.
In the end the children are the ones that suffer. We will celebrate Father's Day on Friday and I will tell them to enjoy Disneyland. I will also tell them that I would love to be with them, but I know they will have fun in Disneyland so it will be ok. I have no idea what she will tell them, she has demonstrated that there are no limits. Though in the end, if I deny her a day that is important - you know "pay her back" or "show her" - the only ones hurting are the children.
I guess I am writing not only to vent, which writing allows me to do, but to hopefully cause people to think. It is not always fun or easy being the "responsible" parent, but in the end your children will be better off that at least one of you can see that the bickering and fighting only hurts the kids.
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