I thought yesterday when I wrote "Just When You Thought You'd Seen It All..." that would be the end of the drama this weekend - nope it seems like the Energizer Bunny, it keeps going and going...
I had stopped answering calls etc, the drama needed to end and I wanted to spend time with my children. After a few text messages she finally left us alone for the evening. Today while I was at lunch there was a text message asking me if she could pick up the girls early tomorrow. I was floored, after all the nastiness of yesterday she now wants to pick them up even earlier to accommodate her plans - something she never mentioned yesterday. There was an accompanying voice mail that essentially stated the same. I hate to admit it but I was torn - I want my children to have fun and enjoy themselves, but my time with them needs to be respected too. I know if the situation was reversed it would never happen, but again it is a chance for my daughters to have fun.
After much thought and wise counsel, I decided to tell her no. My reasoning was two fold, first I had already made plans to have my "Father's Day" on Friday night and to have a special breakfast Saturday, so I had already compromised. Secondly if I cave this time, where would it end? She already has no respect for my rights as a father, so what next - "the fair is next week and we are going so I wont have them back on time." Or "Yeah, I decided that we are doing..... and I will have to have them on your days too."
She called and I answered, she asked and I said no - then she started, "So you are denying your girls Disneyland..." - I hung up. About 10 minutes later she called again and I left it go to voice mail... Here is the message I received, "I just want to let you know when these little girls ask why they are not getting to go to Disneyland I will explain why they are not. I will explain that you are being a childish, vindictive, little a****le and you are the one who will not let them go. I will also explain to them that you are probably doing it cause you are mad at me which is stupid, take it out on me not them. I don't know if you are mad at me about Father's Day, but I gave you every opportunity to work something out with me, but you got your panties in a wad and just said 'noted'... I will let them know what type of Father you are! If you have a beef with me take it out on me not them."
It is so frustrating, nothing is her fault. She is mad because I want to spend time with my children, she has already taken my Father's day away (well unless I agreed to her restrictions and accept when she could bring them to me and the timelimt she set - also payback the time next weekend...). There was never a true offer of compromise or any show of respect - now because I said no she attacks. The truly sad part is that she will say those things to the kids - she has before. That is what breaks my heart. I love my children and cherish every moment I get, I am just stunned that she will blame this all on me - never considering her role or contribution in any of this. I would never commit any of her time before asking - and she always refuses.
I am not looking for sympathy - just venting and hoping that maybe someone will read this and think twice before they attack their ex (or current spouse) to their children. No one wins in this situation - we all lose, but the children more than anyone. Why not take the responsible route - but then again that would be taking a non selfish approach which is against our nature.
I never mentioned the plans I had made for Sunday - I had planned a breakfast followed by church, and then we were going to the beach or Legoland depending on the weather at the beach. I wanted to spend a fun day with my children. Yesterday I never attacked her or bad mouthed her to the girls, I told them that I would not see them on Father's Day and that we would celebrate Friday and have a special breakfast. I told them I knew they were going to Disneyland and I wanted them to have fun and as long as they knew I loved them and they loved me - then that was all I needed for Father's day.
Again, I am not the best Father - I have my flaws and I am working them... but we must all remember the priority has to be the children...
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