Today is my oldest daughter's Birthday, it is the first birthday that I have not been able to see her. It might seem a little silly to some, but it is a sad day. We celebrated it this weekend, but still kind of disappointed to not be able to give her a hug and say happy birthday to her.
I had promised my daughter I would call her today, so as soon as she was out of school (giving them the 15 minutes or so to get in the car), I called. I did not want to call tonight - I was trying to respect their mom's time with her. There was no answer, so I left a message. Thirty minutes later I sent a text to their mom asking to allow her to call me. Twenty minutes later the phone rings, but it was their mom on the phone wanting to discuss court issues etc, I asked to just speak to my daughter and I explained I did not call to talk about those things - only to wish my daughter Happy Birthday. Much to my disappointment she continued, things got heated... the end state was I had to call my lawyer to contact hers so I could wish my daughter Happy Birthday.
The most disturbing part in all of this - when she finally called back, she started in again before handing my daughter the phone, so my daughter witnessed it all! I asked her how her day was, wished her happy birthday and told her I loved her. I also told her to be good for her mommy and have fun tonight. That was all I wanted to say... why do parents use the kids as a weapon? It is sad and it is unfair. They are the victims in a divorce, not the parents - they endure enough.
I wrote this today so hopefully one person will read it and think twice before putting the kids in a situation like that. With today's technology there are many other ways to talk to your former spouse, you do not have to subject the kids to it and you surely do not have to make them feel like they are in the middle. After all, at the end of the day, the children are all that matter!
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