Over the past few weeks my daughters have started talking about my ex-wife's new boyfriend. Romantically it does not bother me - though it brings up certain issues. I currently pay her spousal support and took the majority of the bills - actually it is hard to just make ends meet, but she is living with this guy and has been for about 7 months now. Of Course she denies it, but my girls talk and I know he is there - but I have to prove it and until I do, I still pay for her new car. I guess that is what really gets me, the system says it is there to make things "fair" and to keep the one making less money in a similar "lifestyle". I am sorry, but if you choose to have an affair and choose to get divorced, then you need to be adult enough to pay your own way and be honest about your living situation.
Though I have been assured by several child counselors that it is really a good thing that my girls feel they can speak freely to me about the situation at their mom's house. I try to be open to them and not to let my face reveal my true feelings... but it is hard sometimes. My ex is very money motivated, but it breaks my heart when my daughters beg me to let them stay or "just go visit" mommy and then come home. They hate sleeping at her house - because her and her new boyfriend lock the bedroom door every night. My daughters are 3 and 5 years old... they have nightmares and sometimes come get in my bed at night, but they see that her boyfriend has taken a spot they want.
I guess the purpose of my rant is to encourage parents to think of their children when they do things... they see and understand so much more than we give them credit for. My oldest complains that she gets told to "keep secrets" from me by her mom... they are kids, lets not rob them of their innocence! If you have to tell your children to keep a secret, maybe you should not be doing it in the first place! If you can not control yourself, maybe you should not have the kids around when you do it then, the bottom line is the children did not ask to be drug through a divorce, you need to be a parent first and a single person second! Your children need you even when you think they don't.
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