During the divorce process, my ex and I had discussed taking my children to counseling to help them cope with the adjustment. I thought there would be a benefit in giving them someone to talk to about how they felt and maybe offer us some advice on making things as good as possible for the girls. After several weeks passed and she had not made an effort, I found a child / family counselor and took the girls. They seem to like her well enough and actually started to look forward to going to "play" with her. We do not both attend each session, unfortunately we are not to that point, but this is about the girls. Presently we alternate weeks to take the children - meaning that I am not in the room when she takes them and vice versa (have to make that clear).
Before today's session the counselor pulled me aside and told me that my ex refused to sign the release papers allowing the children to see the counselor alone. She said that she said it was a legal thing - did not want anything used against her etc. Here is the catch - the counselors I chose can not testify in court, they can only say that we went on these dates, ANYTHING discussed is not to be revealed at all. So there is no fear of that happening. The more I thought about it the more irritated I became, it is a place for the girls to talk about the pressures they feel and a safe place for them to go. It is not about the parents blaming each other, it is about the children! Then it hit me and I had to say it to the counselor, I said "If you have nothing to hide, or know you are not doing anything wrong - why would you be afraid of it being used in court?"
I still can not understand why people can not see the victims in divorce are the children - there are no winners. The children do hurt and often blame themselves for things they had no part of - but they have an amazing ability to find fault in themselves for parents issues. Hopefully you never find yourself in a divorce situation, however if you do (or know someone who is) remember it is all about the children. It is not about who gets the house or who pays for what, it is what is best for the children. They see and understand much more than we realize and unfortunately they hurt more than we may know as well. Reassure them that they are loved by BOTH parents (put your personal feelings aside and let them know that your ex loves them too). Creating that stability is vital to the future of your child!
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