A Battered Warrior

Something to Think About....

Matthew 5:27-28  "You have heard that it was said, `Do not commit adultery.' But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart."

     This scripture is saying that if you have thought it, that you have already sinned in your heart!  When we are trying to allow God to cleanse us, we have to understand this concept.  This is not just limited to sexual sin, any time you are envious or jealous you allow yourself to begin down this path.  The more you dwell on and fantasize about some one the more obsessed you can become. Before you may even realize it, you have perverted something that could have been good into a stronghold of sin.  We must all examine our hearts and purge ourselves of these things and continually pray for God’s strength and wisdom in dealing with these issues.  Through constant prayer and self examination, God can heal us, we have to simply be willing to hear him.

Attacked??

Psalm 37:1-8 

“Do not fret because of evil men

or be envious of those who do wrong;

for like the grass they will soon wither,

like the green plants they will soon die away.

Trust in the Lord and do good;

dwell in the land and enjoy safe pasture.

Delight yourself in the Lord

and he will give you the desires of your

heart.

Commit your way to the Lord;

trust in him and he will do this:

He will make your righteousness shine like

the dawn,

the justice of your cause like the noonday

sun.

Be still before the Lord and wait patiently for

him;

do not fret when men succeed in their ways,

when they carry out their wicked schemes.

Refrain from anger and turn from wrath;

do not fret – it leads only to evil.”

            

            This passage speaks to us when we are attacked and feel our faith and hope slipping. When we feel this way, we need to turn to and focus on the Lord more than ever. He will deliver us through our trials but we must trust in him and commit ourselves to him. This passage is not only encouragement, it is a promise and a warning – we are not to attack back. If someone tells a lie about you, your first instinct is to confront them and attack them. If their accusations are untrue, those that know you and know your heart will support you. They will see the lie for what it is. By attacking the person that is spreading the lie you are allowing yourself to be motivated by revenge, which is wrong. I am not saying that you should not confront the person, but you should consider their motivation for the lie and temper that with approaching them out of love – only if you think they will receive it. Regardless of if you approach them or not, you should forgive them.

Psalm 140

Rescue me. O Lord, from evil men;

protect me from men of violence,

who devise evil plans in their hearts

and stir up war every day.

They make their tongues as sharp as a

serpent’s;

the poison of vipers is on their lips.

Keep me, O Lord, from the hands of the

wicked;

protect me from men of violence

who plan to trip my feet.

Proud men have hidden a snare for me;

they have spread out the cords of their net

and have set traps for me along my path.

O Lord, I say to you, “You are my God.”

Hear, O Lord, my cry for mercy.

O Sovereign Lord, my strong deliverer,

who shields my head in the day of battle –

do not grant the wicked their desires, O Lord;

do not let their plans succeed’

or they will become proud.

Let the heads of those who surround me

be covered with the trouble their lips have

caused,

Let burning coals fall upon them;

may they be thrown into the fire,

into miry pits, never to rise.

Let slanderers not be established in the land;

may disaster hunt down men of violence.

I know that the Lord secures justice for the poor

and upholds the cause of the needy.

Surely the righteous will praise your name

and the upright will live before you.

Wrongly Accused???

Proverbs 18:17  "The first to present his case seems right, till another comes forward and questions him."

     This verse has given me hope and lifted my spirits countless times during my divorce.  So often people will say things about you or make allegations that everyone is ready to accept and you feel hopeless. At those times I would put my faith in God and read this verse and push on.  The truth will prevail, sometimes it just takes the courage to tell it!

Web Of Lies

I am going to try to add to this weekly – these posts will also be included on a new blog I will be publishing soon about the “End Times.” Hopefully these posts will cause us to stop and reflect on our lives and examine our hearts.

          We are in a spiritual battle and we need to protect ourselves from false teachings and comfort based beliefs. The best lies are based mainly on fact, Satan is the author of lies.  If he can take things out of context from the Bible, twist it just a bit to lead people off track, or make it appealing to our sinful nature – he has won. Read the story of Adam and Eve.

Biblical Truth:  Genesis 2:16-17 “And the Lord God commanded the man, ‘You are free to eat from any tree in the garden; but you must not eat from the tree of the knowledge of good and evil, for when you eat of it you will surely die!”

Satan at work:  In Genesis the serpent speaks with Eve, pay close attention to what he said, “Did God really say…” (Gen 3:1) then in verse four and five – “You will not surely die,…for God knows that when you eat of it your eyes will be opened, and you will be like God…” The classic formula, insert a little doubt and then offer some type of power – this speaks straight to our sinful nature.  I have listed a few modern applications of this formula – the same formula throughout time.

Worldly View:   “Does God really say homosexuality is wrong? Isn’t that the same God that tells us not to judge?  We need to accept everyone and not talk about homosexuality because that might offend them!”

Biblical Truth: Leviticus 18:22 “Do not lie with a man as one lies with a woman; that is detestable.” – Also read Romans 1:18-32, Leviticus 20:13, and 1 Corinthians 6:9-11.

Food For Thought:  God does tell us not to judge and to love one another. Jesus did not shun prostitutes, tax collectors, or any sinner but he did require they repent and change their hearts. Just because we do not condone or enable a certain lifestyle does not me we are judging – you can love the person and still not approve of their actions.

Worldly View: “If I go to church on Sunday and I ask God to forgive me then I am OK. I can live my life how I want as long as I tell God I am sorry on Sunday and promise to try harder next week. God says that if we repent, he forgives us right?”

Biblical Truth: James 1:21-25 “Therefore, get rid of all moral filth and the evil that is so prevalent and humbly accept the word planted in you, which can save you. Do not merely listen to the word, and so deceive yourselves. Do what it says. Anyone who listens to the word but does not do what it says is like a man who looks at his face in the mirror and after looking at himself, goes away and immediately forgets what he looks like. But the man who looks intently into the perfect law that gives freedom, and continues to do this, not forgetting what he has heard, but doing it – he will be blessed in what he does.” Also read Matthew 23.

Food For Thought: The Bible is full of examples of God’s mercy and forgiveness but each of these events is a result of a change in a person’s heart. God looks at our hearts and our fruits – simply going to church and going through the motions might allow you to deceive yourself. I am not judging anyone, only you know your own heart – just something to think about.

Double Lives....

Galatians 6:7-8 “Do not be deceived: God can not be mocked. A man reaps what he sows. The one who sows to please his sinful nature will reap destruction; the one who sows to please the Spirit, from the Spirit will reap eternal life.”

          Christians today are under constant attack; unfortunately we keep compromising ourselves and inviting the attacks to continue.  How can we profess to be a Christian but continually indulge our flesh? How can we read the Bible, understand what we read, confess our sins, and yet continue to do what we just confessed and acknowledged was wrong? Why are Christians hated? Maybe it is because often times, Monday through Saturday. “Christians” are doing the same things they publically condemn on Sunday!

          God has not called us to just “acknowledge” Him or even to simply agree with the Bible. In James 2:19 it states, “You believe there is one God. Good! Even the demons believe that – and shudder.”  We are not here to judge or condemn either!  We are called to love, to be examples and spread the gospel.

"A"

I forgive “A” for the lying, manipulation, cheating, cruelty, and overall abuse during our divorce. I admit and have confessed the things I did to help perpetuate things and any role I played in leading to the divorce. At times I still struggle with my desire to get revenge or make her hurt too and for that I am wrong. It is not my place to judge or condemn her for her actions, that is between her and God – just as it is between her boyfriend and God as well. I can not hold on to any of the anger or hatred I sometimes feel because that will ultimately consume me and become a poison to my spirit. If I do not forgive her completely, then God has promised – “For if you forgive men when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive men their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins.” (Matthew 6:14-15). I need to keep my heart soft so that I can be the father and the man God has called me to be. I often struggle with turning this issue over to God because my flesh wants a confession – a confession that will never come. I have to pray that God will soften her heart and that she will come to know him – but I do not pray that she will apologize, that is not my right. “But I tell you: Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you.” (Matthew 5:44) As I continue to turn this issue over to God, he continues to bless me – that alone is comfort enough. Through this I have learned several things about myself and my relationship with God. Often in my life I have tried to force things to happen the way “I think” they should and not allow God’s plan to happen. Let me rephrase that – I have fought against God’s will and the result is that things still happen and I get battered. I have put myself through so much suffering and pain that I was never intended to endure but since I chose my way instead of God’s, then the suffering was inevitable. I will not say that it is God’s will for people to divorce, he has established marriage as a sacred institution – however I believe he allows our hardened hearts and free will to destroy it if we choose to ignore His will. I believe that sometimes people marry the wrong person for the wrong reasons, just as I believe they marry the wrong person for the right reasons. The wrong person is still the wrong person. There are a couple verses I have found comfort in during my divorce and I offer them to others that might be in or have gone through a similar situation. Ecclesiastes 7:26 “I find more bitter than death the woman who is a snare, whose heart is a trap and whose hands are chains. The man who pleases God will escape her, but the sinner she will ensnare.” There is much debate about divorce and the Bible and if one may remarry. People quote several different scriptures to support their belief. I am not trying to debate the remarriage issue; I want to simply refer to 1 Corinthians 7:15. This passage is talking about marriage and when a Christian is married to a non believer. “But if the unbeliever leaves, let him do so. A believing man or woman is not bound in such circumstances; God has called us to live in peace…” In my situation, my wife was a non believer and the closer I came in my relationship with God, the more problems we had. She ultimately had an affair and currently is living with him. It is difficult, but I must forgive her – even when she hurts my children. I rely on God to be my rock and guide me to be the father to my daughters he has called me to be. “A”, I forgive you and pray that God will help me to forgive you completely and replace the hurt and anger I have with His love and peace. I pray that you will come to know God and experience His peace and forgiveness. I place our divorce and the hurt from it into God’s hands and ask his forgiveness for my sins and to help me to forgive you completely. – Amen.

Instinctive Male Coping

First off, I would like to thank our host here at A Battered Warrior for allowing us to contribute to this conversation.

In the spirit of the blog's subtitle, Life lessons: you are not alone, I wanted to contribute a little commentary on a recent interview we conducted on our site.

I am the editor of www.dadsdivorce.com a site dealing with custody, alimony, finance and all other aspects of divorce that men must deal with.

In a recent DadsDivorce Live piece with Jon Benigas from Solutions Counseling Associates, Jon explained that sometimes the natural male approach to coping with divorce can be exactly the opposite of helpful for the present situation or for the man's own peace of mind.

According to Mr. Benigas, most men tend to go into the "fix it" mode.  We are simply doing what comes naturally. We're only doing what feels right.

We tend to ask ourselves, "What can I do?"

Remember, the majority of divorces are filed by the woman. (You really are not alone!) The woman in these cases have had some time to think the act of filing for divorce through. The man who is being served is often surprised. He is caught off guard.

We have been trained to use our "power" which is very different than the way women use their "power." And, so the man will often try all the power options: guilt, blame and so on.  Benigas explains that the feeling of having to deal with a situation that feels out of their control can be so devastating that we are thrown off balance.

Benigas and host, Joseph Cordell, discuss that the extremes of passivity and aggression in response to being handed divorce papers. Just as reacting in an overly-aggressive manner which may turn violent is wrong, so is reacting in an overly-passive manner. Both are discussed as being ineffective both immediately and later if the divorce does in fact progress.

One possible answer, both men agree, is to find a support system. A pastor, a friend, a group of men going through a similar situation.

Though it is difficult to manage, sometimes taking time away to discuss, meditate, reflect, pray and collect our thoughts as opposed to charging forward with an immediate response is usually the best response.

View the interview in its entirety.

I Forgive....

This is an exerpt from another blog that I think could benefit us all....

" I never knew my biological father, he and my mom divorced when I was very young. I know that he was abusive and would physically beat my mom. I was never allowed to call him dad or daddy, only his first name.  When my mom remarried, he signed over all his rights and allowed my step father to adopt me. Until recently I never realized all the resentment I held towards him. 

   When I was eighteen years old, my "aunt" contacted my mom and asked to see me.  They did not believe that I had chosen not to make contact with them, though this time I agreed to meet them. My one condition was that my "father" was not to be there.  I had taken a vow that I would physically hurt him if I ever saw him, I held all that anger all those years. The meeting was ok, nothing too exciting - though I felt they were disappointed in me.  I was not overly excited about their crops or livestock, my brother was though they really did not want much to do with him and that offended me too. 

   My father actually showed up at my aunt's house while I was there and they asked me if I wanted to see him. Again I said no and he was asked to leave - I never saw him. The next day, this classy guy pushed my 90 something year old great grandmother down and then punched my aunt and broke her jaw.  I guess some things never change.  The really hard part to understand is that my grandparents made excuses for him, he has never been held responsible..."

This is taken from a post in the category "I Forgive..."   I encourage you to view this blog and share your experiences too.  Forgiving someone is truly a freeing and healing experience.   The address for the other blog is  http://batteredwarrior.typepad.com/forgiving/

Guarding Your Heart

Philippians 4:6-7 "Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayers and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus."

    As we face the uncertainty that surrounds us today, find comfort in these verses.  If we turn all things over to God and place our faith in him, He will deliver us thorough these trials. We must allow God's will to be done, hand over the reins of our life and give it back to Him. Through our obedience and faith, God will bless us.

Gossip....

Ecclesiastes 7:20-22  "There is not a righteous man on earth who does what is right and never sins. Do not pay attention to every word people say or you may hear your servant cursing you - for you know in your heart that many times you yourself have cursed others."

  I was reading this today and it spoke to me.  I often find myself upset by what someone has said or done and loose focus.  This verse helps put things back into perspective.  It is not telling you to dismiss valid criticism etc, but it is telling to you not take everything you hear to heart.  Think of how you respond to other drivers in traffic... how do you think they would feel if they heard what you are saying to them or about them?  We are all sinful, that does not justify it - but we need to remember that when we are loading up on our emotional baggage.  If we can carry a few less pieces our walk might be a little easier.

It's in Their Eyes....

    Last night my daughters and I were carving pumpkins.  As we were creating our masterpieces, I noticed my oldest daughter was looking sad, her eyes were heavy.  The more I looked into her eyes the more pain I could see.  I asked her what was wrong and she replied, "Nothing."  I told her that we were very similar and I could tell something was wrong with her, being the smart little girls she is, she said, "Then why when you are sad do you tell me 'nothing'?"  Ouch!  I was stunned for a second but then I explained that sometimes I am thinking about "daddy things" and that I do not want her to worry about them.  We talked about how when I am sad I pray and ask God to help me.  She seemed to relax a little.

    When it came time to make the faces on the pumpkins both of the girls were shocked that they were allowed to make any face they wanted!  My oldest then explained to me the mommy bought these fancy pictures for the pumpkins and the girls got to pick a picture and "Harry" carved it.  My youngest kept making references to my ex's boyfriend and I could tell that bothered my oldest daughter.  I told them that I like it when they make art for me and that is what the pumpkins were. Since they are art they know that it is only important if they like them - the artist is the true judge of their work, if they like it then it is good.

    There is a dynamic that I need to explain. When my ex moved out of our house, she immediately moved in with the guy she was having the affair with.  He had moved in and his things were there prior to the girls ever going to "mommy's house".  She also first introduced the girls to this guy at the beach.  He approached the girls to help them build a sand castle, and the two of them pretended not to know each other.  My oldest is very smart - she knew the fake name "Harry" was not his name, but to this day she feels that she introduced mommy to this guy. Talk about guilt on a five year old!  The other thing is that the girls comment about how "Harry" sleeps in mommy's bed and they close the door so we can not come in.  They are three and five, they have nightmares - but now they are forced to comfort each other when they go to her house.  You can imagine the confusion and pain they feel at times.

    I am not telling this to bash or condemn her - God is the only one who can judge.  What I am hoping is that anyone reading this that is in a "co-parenting" arrangement that they stop and think about their actions.  Try to view them in the eyes of their children.  Great you have a new love interest, good for you!  However, are your actions and selfishness impacting your children?  If you have a joint custody arrangement, your home and the children's lives do not need a revolving door in it!  If you have to lie about things to your children, then you already know you are WRONG! The parents are supposed to be the adults, let the kids be the kids.  Why not be an adult and put the best interest of the child first, they did not ask to be born - they did not ask for the divorce - they are simply along for the ride and it is your JOB to protect them and do not rob them of their joy.

What Is Love

1 Corinthians 13:3-8  "If I give all I possess to the poor and surrender my body to the flames, but have not love, I gain nothing. Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices in the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.  Love never fails."

Matthew 5:43-45  "You have heard that it was said, 'Love your neighbor and hate your enemy.' But I tell you: Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, that you may be sons of your Father in heaven. He causes his sun to rise on the evil and the good, and sends rain on the righteous and unrighteous."

  God tells us to love our enemies! By obeying God, we are freeing ourselves to experience His forgiveness and drawing closer to Him.  I believe this is a vital concept to understand in healing old wounds and growing  new relationships.  When we pray for those who have hurt us or continue to attack us, we are putting that relationship back in God's hands. We are letting God judge and we are accepting His plan and recognizing that He is in control.  By loving someone and praying for them we are not condoning or agreeing with their actions, we are simply asking God to help them come closer to Him. Though our obedience we will be blessed. Proverbs 16:7. "When a man's ways are pleasing to the Lord, he makes even his enemies live at peace with him."  We must worry about what we can change and that is our hearts - with God's healing and grace.  As God brings healing, pray that he fills that place that was harboring heart, hatred, and pain with His joy and love. 

When we understand what God says love is (1 Cor 13:3-8), we can start to grasp how He loves us and how he commands us to treat others.  God does not say "tolerate", "like", "co-exist", or "avoid" your enemies- He said Love!  I continually struggle with this concept myself and I have incorporated this verse in my daily prayers.  I ask God to teach me to love as He loves and to show me the areas where my heart is still hard.  - be careful what you ask for, it is painful at times - however God does not leave you broken.  He reveals something to you and if you obey Him, let it go, and give it to Him completely, the reward is amazing. I have had to let go of some very hurtful things in my past but once I trusted God to take it from me, a huge weight came off my shoulders and I could feel the joy inside.  Forgiving and healing are long processes, but God will get us through it if we trust him. We are not meant to carry the pain and hurt we keep in our hearts, God wants to heal us.  Forgiveness is one of the steps in the process - first you have to know Him.

From my blog: http://batteredwarrior.typepad.com/forgiving/2008/10/what-is-love.html

God Will Provide

1 Kings 17:2-6  "Then the word of the Lord came to Elijah; 'Leave here, turn eastward and hide in the Kerith Ravine, east of the Jordan.  You will drink from the brook, and I have ordered the ravens to feed you there.'  So he did what the Lord had told him. he went to the Kerith Ravine, east of the Jordan, and stayed there. The ravens brought him bread and meat in the morning and bread and meat in the evening, and he drank from the brook."

   This entire chapter tells of how God will provide for us, though we have to act on faith first.  Can you imagine how you would respond if God told you to leave everything and go to a remote place, but do not worry I will have the birds bring you food!  The birds were ravens, the same birds that fight amongst themselves over everything, but they are going to bring food to a man! Think of the faith that Elijah had to go there. 

   If you read the entire chapter you will see how the widow and her son were blessed through their acts of obedience and faith. Throughout the Bible we see countless examples of God's blessings. Unfortunately that is what we tend to focus on, our selfish nature looks at what God can do for us!  We often ignore the part where to receive the blessing the person had to act on faith.  God is God, do you think he really needs us to do things for him?  Remember Balaam (Num 22:21-33)?  God wants to bless us but requires our obedience, faith, and willingness to serve Him.

   The next time you are stressing about finances, making ends meet, or just life in general - ask God for His guidance.  Once he tells you what he wants you to do - then do it!  Just remember though, sometimes God calls us to be still and wait!  It requires faith to wait too!

New Blog

Colossians 3:12-13 "...clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you."

  I have started another blog http://batteredwarrior.typepad.com/forgiving/ .  It will focus on forgiving and I am hoping give people a forum to talk about their pain and experiences.  I have added an email address and I will gladly take emails from people who wish to share.  I will respect your privacy and only cut and paste them - I am not here to judge only to try to encourage people to become whole. My prayer is that God will bless those that read the blog as much as those that contribute to it.

  It is vital to understand that we are not the first person to experience these struggles and there are others that have been able to overcome similar trials.  Through faith and love we will be healed and become what God intended.

 

A Secret to Marriage?

Ephesians 5:22 - 33 " Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything.  Husbands, love you wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. After all, no one ever hated his own body, but he feeds it and cares for it, just as Christ does the church - for we are members of his body. 'For this reason a man will leave his father and his mother and be united with his wife, and the two will become one flesh.' This is a profound mystery - but I am talking about Christ and the church. However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband."

  I believe that these verses hold a valuable key to a happy marriage - yes I am putting it in a divorce section, but we can learn from our mistakes and failures.  I am writing this in hopes that it may help people heal, gain closure, and eventually enter into a happy and fulfilling relationship.

   Do not just skim these verses, they are not saying that wives have to be submissive people and sacrifice themselves to fulfill every selfish whim of their husbands.  If anything these verses are tasking the husband. As a husband, we are to love our wife as Christ loved the church - he DIED for the church, gave himself as a sacrifice. If you had someone that you truly believed would sacrifice themselves and their desires for you, wouldn't you be a little more compassionate and a little more willing to give and forgive?  As men we need to recognize our roles in our marriages - both successful and not, and own our short comings. 

   We need to develop a pure love for our spouse - the love as described in Corinthians... We also need to look at the Biblical role of a wife - do not just look at this passage, read Proverbs 31 - "The Wife of Noble Character".  The woman described in this passage is a partner in the truest since of the word and her husband is blessed by her.  She is a blessing to him, as our wife is to us. 

   Understanding the dynamics of a marriage and having a God based relationship are critical if a marriage is to stand the tests and trials we all face. A marriage requires continuous work and commitment from both people as well as a commitment to self examination.  Take a daily inventory of yourself, any bitterness, unforgiveness, hurt, etc, needs to be dealt with or it will allow a wall to form between you and your spouse - these walls will ultimately destroy your relationship (the same can be applied to any relationship). 

Forgiveness

  Tonight I went to my men's group at church and heard a gentleman speak named Nathan Daniel.  He was talking about healing your heart through forgiveness.  Mr. Daniel a pastor for Freedom Through Forgiveness Ministries, www.ftfm.biz . As I listened to him speak a lot of things made sense.  He talked about things that men do or become "addicted" to and how it can come back to an unresolved conflict in our past.  Using Biblical examples he showed how by not resolving an issue it can fester and eventually lead to a hardened heart.  These issues also invite Satan to have a place in our lives.  I took his message to heart and began doing a little soul searching.  I realized that I owe a lot of people apologizes and needed to forgive others for things I had buried long ago.  I am still discovering things about myself though I can already feel a difference.  Ultimately we all desire a relationship were we can feel accepted on every level and comfortable being transparent with our partner... I believe that Mr. Daniel and his gift provide a valuable tool to begin that journey.

Be Content

Proverbs 15:17  "Better a mean of vegetables where there is love than a fattened calf with hatred."

    In today's tough times it is easy to start feeling sorry for yourself or focus on the things you are lacking. It is at that moment when we must look at what we have, beyond the physical.  Nothing compares to the smile of a loved one or the hug of a child. Instead of thinking about what is missing, take the time to embrace the things you have been blessed with.

We Were Not Created to Be Alone

Ecclesiastes 4:9-12 "Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their work:  If one falls down, his friend can help him up. But pity the man who falls and has no one to help him up! Also, if two lie down together, they will keep warm. But how can one keep warm alone? Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is ot quickly broken."

   Man was not created to be alone, I am not speaking of the husband / wife dynamic, we are meant to be social.  We all have our weaknesses and we are all limited by our own perspective.  How often has someone else's life experiences or knowledge help you solve a problem that you had deemed impossible?  It is tempting to withdrawal in times of crisis, but we must resist that urge and reach out. Alone we are more likely to falter and eventually wither and die... through the strength and support of others we will overcome and thrive.

Father's Rights????

    Since going through my divorce I have been talking to several other single fathers and it is unfortunate the way the legal system seems to work.  We all are very active in our children's lives, I am not saying that we were all blameless in our divorces - everyone has faults and it takes two to fight.  Though I do know that in four of the cases the wives were having affairs and chose to leave the marriage.  In all four cases the wives also went after spousal support - two actually started working less and living with their boyfriends and still wanted spousal support.  The women were smart, the new boyfriend is not on the lease - so proving he lives there is difficult and you really would not want the children to have to choose sides or feel like they are telling on mommy... so the guys get forced to pay.  OH I forgot to mention, when these "women" moved out, they left all the joint financial obligations behind as well. 

    All of the men I am talking about are in the military and were deployed in Iraq when their wife's misconduct began.... it was their welcome home present!  The courts have this great formula in California, they believe that the incomes should be the same for each household... which idealistically MIGHT make sense - but they fail to consider the financial obligations of each party until the final divorce decree is established.  In California that can take several months.  There are three of the men that are at risk of losing everything before the property is settled and their soon to be ex-wives are in no hurry to be cooperative - why would they?  I mean they have the benefit of their money, their ex-husbands money, living with a boyfriend, and none of the old bills!  There is no justice in the system.  If the father's limited their work hours to spend time with the children, they would be scorned - but it is ok for the women?

    These men are on the verge of bankruptcy and if that happens they loose their careers. They have the mounting legal fees and their lawyers are losing patience with them too.  They all hear the same thing I heard.... "just hold on until the end, it will all be taken care of and you will get credit for the bills you are paying. Oh by the way, we really need you to pay our fees!"  These are the same lawyers that negotiated this lopsided deal telling the men it is the best they can do - all while ignoring that just because it works on their computer as "fair", when you ignore expenses and obligations it can make it tough to EAT!

    I have put the "ChipIn" box on my blog to try to help these men tread water until the end.  I plan to keep it open and try to help anyone struggling with their custody fight.  These men love their kids and unfortunately their military service and deployments are being used against them. I understand that there may be women in a similar circumstance or there are families with "fathers" not holding up their commitments- please if you need help or know of someone, send me their story in a comment or email and I will try to help them as well.  If you are blessed and can help please feel free to give.  The $7500 is an initial goal - that is what I know is needed to help get their legal fees covered. (Oh some people assume that military have free legal - that is true, however they can not help you in a contested divorce or custody.  That is why there are such high fees).  Thank you and God bless.  Hopefully these laws will change to be fair to everyone - ultimately it should be about the best for the kids.  If you choose to leave your marriage - man or woman - that is your choice, you made an adult decision - act like it.

Repentance

Luke 5:31-32 "Jesus answered them, 'It is not the healthy who need a doctor, but the sick. I have not come to call the righteous, but sinners to repentance."

     I have been doing a lot of soul searching the past few days, taking a good hard look at my life and asking God to help me examine my heart and its motives.  As usual I have learned things about myself that I am not proud of, things that have been hindering my relationship with God. I have allowed myself to be distracted and lose focus.  This verse stuck out to me, it is a simple concept that we all know but often let our pride get in the way. God knows our heart, He knows our sins, and He knows our struggles.  We do not need to come to Him when we are perfect, He actually expects us to be broken.  We need to come in humility and reverence then we can experience His true grace. 

     I know that I am far from perfect, though often my pride takes over and I put on this "act".  God does not want an act - He only deals in real. I have spent the past few days scratching the surface on becoming real with myself and with God... I am not there yet, and probably have more work to do than I realize at this moment.  I know I will draw closer to Him with a steady and committed effort.  It is not easy but I know His promises and the rewards are great and certainly out weigh anything the world can give.  

    

The Power of Prayer

The Power of Prayer

I believe that God only gives three answers to prayer:

1. "Yes!"

2. "Not Yet."

3. "I have something better in mind."

God still sits on the throne, the devil is a liar.

You maybe going through a tough time right now but God is getting ready to bless you in a way that you can not imagine.

This prayer is powerful, and prayer is one of the best gifts we receive. There is no cost but a lot of rewards.

Lets continue to pray for one another.

Here is the prayer...

Father, I ask you to bless Jordan, my friends, relatives and all those that can use a blessing right now. Show them a new revelation of your love and power. Amen.

* Thank you Diane.

Flesh, Blood, & Nail

FLESH, BLOOD, & NAIL

Anger rages in my soul,

Decisions made take their toll.

Cold and numb, left unfeeling,

Feel as though my skin is peeling!

Searching, seeking, never find,

Fumble through life as I’m blind.

In front of me answers sit,

For each problem one does fit.

Only truth comes from above,

Saved by grace and His love.

Though I try and often fail,

Debts were paid – flesh, blood & nail.

Repeat my past would be a sin,

Follow the path of many men.

A chance to start all over new,

To thy self one must be true.

                                                                                                                                -TG

Mirror

Proverbs 27:19 "As water reflects a face, so a man's heart reflects the man."

   Mirrors are funny things, they can show us anything we want.  We can manipulate them to make us shorter or taller and to magnify things or get a different perspective - we can basically distort reality to our choosing. However, have you ever looked into your own eyes in a mirror?  Really taken the time to examine yourself through your eyes? Most of us can't stop to take an honest look at ourselves. It is far to painful.

   We distort our reality and our memories of the past to hide or dull our pain. We spend so much energy trying protect ourselves from reality.  Every child wants to be a hero or something "grand" when they grow up, how many of us can accept what we have become. I am reminded of the television character, Al Bundy -" four touchdowns in one game!"  He identified himself and his worth by an event that happened in the past.

  I personally have been trying to weigh my past and really look at this for what they were.  Not to relive it or change it, but to learn why I do things that I do. Where my personal biases come from and why I believe certain things.  I have also been repenting and confessing things I have done - lightening the baggage I carry. Max Lucado's book "Traveling Light", has been a big help.  It is a long and tedious process. 

   I believe we are works in progress and God is not done with us. He will continue to show us things we need to improve or remove from our lives to bring us closer to Him.  I know that I have my weaknesses and there things I am not proud of.  I owe many people apologies and I need to forgive many others... God is not done with me and I am thankful He has been patient with me. If you feel you are caught in a cycle of hopelessness and despair, try looking in the mirror and examining yourself.  It is painful but God can heal all things, we just have to let him.

Faith of the Centurion / Prayer

Matthew 8:5-13  "When Jesus had entered Capernaum, a centurion came to him, asking for help. 'Lord,' he said, 'my servant lies at home paralyzed and in terrible suffering.'

  Jesus said to him, 'I will go and heal him.'

  The centurion replied, 'Lord, I do not deserve to have you come under my roof. But just say the word, and my servant will be healed. For I myself am a man under authority, with soldiers under me. I tell this one, 'Go,' and he goes; and that one 'Come,' and he comes. I say to my servant, 'Do this,' and he does it.'

  When Jesus heard this, he was astonished and siad to those following him, ' I tell you the truth, I have not found anyone in Isreal with such great faith. I say to you that many will come from the east and the west, and will take their places at the feast with Abraham, Issac and Jacob in the kingdom of heaven. But the subjects of the kingdom will be thrown outside, into the darknes, where there will be weeping and gnashing of teeth.'

  Then Jesus said to the centurion, 'Go! It will be done just as you believed it would.' And his servant was healed at that very hour."

  I chose this passage today because my faith has been rattled a bit lately.  The centurion's servant was healed because of the tremendos faith of the centurion.  We must believe God can and will do what we pray for - though we must be careful not to view God as some sort of genie there at our beckon call.  The centurion's pray / request was answered because of his faith - to have such faith you have to have your heart right with God too. I am presently trying to work through issues in my life and my past that have skewed my relationship with God. I believe that we need to check our hearts before we pray - repent and confess.

  There is a guide to prayer - AWCIPA  (Admire - Wait - Confession - Intercession - Petition - Admire).  Begin and end your prayer time thanking and praising God.  Take the time to wait, clear your mind and be still - let God talk to you. Next we confess our sins, the more specific the better, no excuses - own it. Intercession is praying for someone else - petition God on their behalf. Petition is for you. Finally Admire and thank God for all the wonderous things He has done.

http://therocksandiego.org/ministries/prayer/prayerguide/

Joy

     The past few days I have been dealing with a lot of drama and stress in my life.  I picked up my children from school yesterday and tried my best to put on a "happy face."  They may be young but they saw my pain.  They both cuddled up on me and gave me hugs.  My oldest kept asking me if I was ok and hugging me while my youngest resorted to comic relief. 

     Today I was sitting here reading my Bible, journalling, and working on my poetry book - I happened to look up and saw my girls dancing.  They were free, just enjoying the music and themselves.  They were singing and laughing.  I could not help but smile and my mood immediately improved.  I guess we need to keep focus of our blessings even in our troubled times.  Let God worry about the big issues and we need to enjoy His blessings.  I still pray for guidance and His healing,  but I do it with a joyful heart and a grateful spirit - I remove the focus from my hurt and a selfish prayer to one of reverence and humilty.

The Widow's Oil

2 Kings 4:1-7  " The wife of a man from the company of the prophets cried out to Elisha, 'Your servant my husband is dead, and you know he revered the Lord. But now his creditor is coming to take my two boys as his slaves.' Elisha replied to her, 'How can I help you? Tell me what do you have in your house?'

'Your servant has nothing there at all,' she said, 'except for a little oil.'

Elisha said, 'Go around and ask all your neighbors for empty jars. Don't ask for just a few. Then go inside and shut the door behind you and your sons. Pour oil into all the jars, and as each is filled, put it to one side.'

She left him and afterward shut the door behind her and her sons. They brought the jars to her and she kept pouring. When all the jars were full, she said to her son, 'Bring me another one.'

But he replied, 'There is not  a jar left.' Then the oil stopped flowing.

She went and told the man of God, and he said, 'Go sell the oil and pay your debts. You and your sons can live on what is left.'"

     Some point in our lives we find ourselves facing a crisis that renders us hopeless.  The longer we focus on the problem, the larger it becomes. In the story the widow was at that point. Her husband had died and her debts were huge, now some man was coming to enslave her children.  Instead of being paralyzed by her fear and doubt, she cried out. She was faithful and in God's favor.  The interesting part of this story, in my opinion, is that God not only erased her debt, her gave her a little extra to survive.

     In these times where people are losing there homes and the economy is uncertain, we need to still trust and thank God.  It is easy to thank God when everything is going well, but sometimes we start to blame Him when things are not working the way WE feel it should.  Sometimes God blesses us by not giving us what we think we want or are perceived suffering is actually protection. 

     I have a friend who went through a pretty ugly divorce and was very bitter and angry.  Her husband had been having affairs for years and she was not aware. One day he told her about an affair and he wanted a divorce.  The legal system's "justice" did not seem just at all and she was crushed.  The bills mounted and her bitterness increased.  During one of her prayers and complaining to God, it came to her - that she was not worrying about disease, that she did not worry about what she would find when she came home, .... maybe God was protecting her. 

     When things get tough do not loose focus, God will take care of you as long as you trust Him and allow Him to bless you.  Things may not make sense to us, but then again it doesn't have to - we have to have faith and keep our eyes on God and His will.

Why is it not fair

Hebrews 13:5 "Keep your lives free from the love of money and be content with what you have, because God has said, 'Never will I leave you; Never will I forsake you.'"

    It is "funny" how this is passage is taken from a section speaking about Marriage and Adultery.  I find myself looking at my divorce and being angry because it seems so unfair.  Then I am reminded that I am not to judge and where the world may think it is unfair, God's promises will get me through.  Yes, there are times when I am so angry at everyone and just feel like I am not being heard, but then something will happen to let me know that he is still taking care of me.  I have to figure out how to break the cycle and truly turn it all over to God, every time I pull it out of His hands I spend hours repenting and crying.  Not to mention the countless hours I spend "trying to figure it all out".  It is so hard to have faith that things will be OK, especially when you feel like your entire world was a lie and have just seen it crumble. 

    I have made myself a promise, when I get to feeling lost and hopeless I will write my thoughts and my fears.  When I get all the anger and hatred out of me - I will begin to pray and let God take it.  Tell Him that I do not want to hold this any longer and that I will trust in Him to provide for me and my daughters - that His will be done.  I will repent for the bitterness and anger and pray to forgive my ex and "her drama"... but most importantly I have to realize that I need to allow God to deal with them and have him Heal me.  Not heal a broken heart or anything like that - I mean mend my relationship with Him - if that is right, nothing else matters.

Real

REAL

Since the dawn of time my fate was set,

Only realized since we met.

Our hearts were made to be together,

Growing, changing, but fleeing never.

In your eyes my soul does rest,

As your head lays on my breast.

Hear my heart – it beats for you,

It always has – though I never knew.

In my life I’ve often failed,

Many nights my soul has wailed.

Dark, alone, cold, and broken,

Pains came from harsh words spoken.

Now I am born anew,

Hope and Love I’ve found in you.

Though at times, fear I feel,

Just assures me – this is real.

                                                -TG

New Beginning

   

NEW BEGINNING

In the darkness I now dwell,

Destined to live in this hell?

Why I’m here I do not know,

Mind is racing to and fro.

New beginning to our life,

Me your husband – you my wife.

Visions fading, dreams are shattered,

Both our hearts are left tattered.

Why can’t we just choose to be,

You and me – our family.

True love is within our reach,

Will you join me on the beach?

                             -TG

 

Broken Hearted

     Have you ever been so in love that the mere thought of being without that person crushes your spirit.  Whenever you are apart you wonder what they are doing, or you daydream of when you will see them next.  To some I may be describing infatuation - and that might be true to a point.  Though what I am talking about is not just a feeling, it is a sense of self.  Everything in your being knows you are to be with this person, you mesh on every level.  You see your future and know this is right. A selfless love, the type of love some believe only exists in fairy tales... but you know it is true.

   Now imagine it taken away -  denied by forces beyond your control, fueled by misunderstandings and fear.  You are helpless and devastated.  The other person believes they are sparing you from heart ache and that the fear of more pain is too great... your world has just been turned upside down. No communication, just left with your own thoughts and screaming "why!"  There are things that need to be said, fears to be silenced, and a chance to be taken. 

    How can I find myself here... was on top of the world, I felt hope, love, happiness, and a sense of peace about the future.  Now I can not even see the sun............ I know they are afraid and I do understand that. I am scared too. But the pain I feel now is so great, worse than anything I have ever felt.  We are in control of our future and our lives, why choose to suffer because of what might happen... Communication is the key, the fears can be silenced with communication... without it we suffer in the darkness. Will I remain this empty shell?  How do I smile now?

A Mask

A MASK

As I sit and people stare,

Do they see – or even care?

Behind my mask – my thoughts do race,

Not revealed by my cold stone face.

With a mask a hero is made,

Unknown identity – the price he’s paid.

Only he knows his pain,

Time like this – he feels insane.

Does anyone know the real me?

Or is my existence a mystery?

Years of guarding and hiding of heart,

Never knowing what caused the start.

Now he hurts and needs to cry,

But all he can muster is a sigh.

Dejected and left all alone,

His mask in place – no emotion shown.

                                                                -TG

You

YOU

As a tulip is drawn to the sun,

My heart longs for you.

The love I have can not be won,

No matter what you do.

The sweetest fragrance God has made,

Can not compare with thee.

No matter what price I’ve paid,

My love could never flee.

Men would die to touch your face,

Though that is only the start.

They are searching in the wrong place,

The real beauty is in your heart.

                                -TG

Fight or Wait??

Proverbs 16:32  "Better a patient man than a warrior, a man who controls his temper than one who takes a city."

     When do we fight?  I have often struggled with whether to fight or to turn the other cheek.  I do not have the definite answer to this dilemma, only God does.  Are you seeking revenge?  They hurt you so now you want to make them pay! Do you find yourself dwelling on the other person's actions and feel your anger rise?  At those times we must wait, control our temper and wait.  We are not to seek revenge, not in that sense.  Our motivation should not be to make another suffer, we should offer loving correction.  We are not the judge of another man, it is simply not our place. Remember God sees a man's heart and that is what matters to him. When you feel a fight coming, make sure you look at your motivation for your desired action - check your heart before you act. 

Judge?

Luke 6:37-38   "Do not judge, and you will not be judged. Do not condemn, and you will not be condemned. Forgive, and you will be forgiven. Give, and it will be given to you. A good measure, pressed down, shaken together and running over, will be poured into your lap. For with the measure you use, it will be measured to you."

     Powerful words and this verse provides great insight in to how God works.  It is critical to notice the word order and choice used in this passage.  We are told to do something first - Do not judge, Do not condemn, Forgive, and Give.  After we act on faith, then we will receive God's blessing.  However we must be careful, this same verse can be perverted... by not condemning we are NOT endorsing!  By not judging we are not giving our approval - God does not say that. Sin is sin and wrong is wrong. God alone knows a person's heart and he alone can judge and pass judgment.

     If there is a source of pain or stress in your life, you need to examine it.  If you never have enough time, money, etc.  We must give of our time, our money, of ourselves, ... , only then will we be blessed and receive.  God promises us that if we give it will be given to us.  I am not saying that if you give "X" then God will give you "Y", God is not an ATM. He will bless you in the areas you need - not necessarily what you want. 

     Forgiveness cleanses the soul and the heart.  To truly be free of our pain and our past we must forgive those who have hurt us and seek the forgiveness of those we have hurt.  Then God will forgive us and we will be free to enjoy a boundless relationship with Him.  God can bless us beyond our dreams, we just have to act on faith and follow His teachings.  How wonderful would it be if we lived in a world where no one judged, everyone forgave each other, and we were all generous....

Have You Ever Been in Love?

     Have you ever been in Love?  I do not mean infatuation, lust, or the warm fuzzy feeling with all the butterflies - I mean Love.  A love that consumes you.  When they hurt, you hurt.  The mere mention of their name brings a smile to your soul.  You want to give them all you have and protect them from the world.  You finally realize that you are a better person with them than you could ever be alone.  You can tell them things you have never shared with anyone - not only can you, you want to.  As you go, through your day you can not wait to share your experiences - or when you see something new, you wish they were there to share it.  I love that your spirit aches to hold them, nothing sexual, just hold their hand and look into their eyes.  You would sacrifice all that you have, all that you are, and all that you will be - just to see them smile.  That kind of Love - Have you ever been in Love? 

     If you have - now what?  Do you allow fear to rob you of your happiness and joy - if things go wrong it would be devastating!  Do you question their love - why would they love you?  Are you consumed with the thought that you do not deserve to be loved like that so you can not accept it? Does your past and all the lies about you grip you so tight you can not breathe - so you run?  If you ever have the chance to Love - the Love I am speaking of, grab it - it is rare.  If someone Loves you the way I am talking about - do not believe the lies and doubts you have... Love is a gift you can not earn!  True Love is freely given. True Love is based and comes from God's love - He gave us the blueprint on how to love.

Circle

CIRCLE

Life’s a circle, or so they say,

Cycles continue, day to day.

Friends to lovers, lovers to friends,

As one starts the other ends.

Roots of friendship deep and strong,

The love I feel – it can’t be wrong.

It was unwanted and discarded,

I walk alone, heavy hearted.

Mixed emotions lead to fights,

Hearts breaking and sleepless nights.

For no reason, I cling to still,

To be together, I hope we will.

                                                -TG

Just My Thoughts.....

   In our lives we are promised nothing,

   And receive even less.

   Rejoice if you get something,

   And if it is Love, you are truly blessed.

                                                -TG

Comfort....

Psalm 23  " The Lord is my shepherd, I shall not be in want.  He makes me lie down in green pastures, he leads me beside quiet waters, he restores my soul. He guides me in paths of righteousness for his name's sake. Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me.  You prepare a table for me in the presence of my enemies. You anoint my head with oil; my cup overflows. Surely goodness and love will follow me all the days of my life, and I will dwell in the house of the Lord forever."

     I had to read this well known Psalm a few times today.  I have been struggling, focusing on all the things that are difficult in my life - ignoring my blessings.  Instead of being a lamb that takes comfort in the security and peace the shepherd is providing me, I am trying to keep my own watch.  There is one fatal flaw in my actions, sheep can not protect ANYTHING!  Sheep have to be protected.  God will provide us a sanctuary to rest, cool and quiet waters to be refreshed, and his staff will protect us (and correct us). 

     When you are tired and weak, the voices of the world and fears are haunting you, and the constant barrage of "what if" paralyzes you, remember Sheep are to be protected.  We do not have it in ourselves to combat the world.  God will take care of the big things, we need to embrace his blessings and act in faith. He will never fail us as long as we are walking in His will and on His path. Try being a sheep for now - let God be God, and you be ewe. 

You Have Got to be Kidding....

    During the divorce process, my ex and I had discussed taking my children to counseling to help them cope with the adjustment.  I thought there would be a benefit in giving them someone to talk to about how they felt and maybe offer us some advice on making things as good as possible for the girls.  After several weeks passed and she had not made an effort, I found a child / family counselor and took the girls. They seem to like her well enough and actually started to look forward to going to "play" with her.  We do not both attend each session, unfortunately we are not to that point, but this is about the girls.  Presently we alternate weeks to take the children - meaning that I am not in the room when she takes them and vice versa (have to make that clear).

    Before today's session the counselor pulled me aside and told me that my ex refused to sign the release papers allowing the children to see the counselor alone. She said that she said it was a legal thing - did not want anything used against her etc.  Here is the catch - the counselors I chose can not testify in court, they can only say that we went on these dates, ANYTHING discussed is not to be revealed at all.  So there is no fear of that happening.  The more I thought about it the more irritated I became, it is a place for the girls to talk about the pressures they feel and a safe place for them to go.  It is not about the parents blaming each other, it is about the children!  Then it hit me and I had to say it to the counselor, I said "If you have nothing to hide, or know you are not doing anything wrong - why would you be afraid of it being used in court?" 

    I still can not understand why people can not see the victims in divorce are the children - there are no winners.  The children do hurt and often blame themselves for things they had no part of - but they have an amazing ability to find fault in themselves for parents issues.  Hopefully you never find yourself in a divorce situation, however if you do (or know someone who is) remember it is all about the children.  It is not about who gets the house or who pays for what, it is what is best for the children.  They see and understand much more than we realize and unfortunately they hurt more than we may know as well.  Reassure them that they are loved by BOTH parents (put your personal feelings aside and let them know that your ex loves them too). Creating that stability is vital to the future of your child!

Why am I Suffering....

Proverbs 20:30  "Blows and wounds cleanse away evil, and beatings purge the inmost being."

    What?  We are to be beaten???  Yes and No.  Sometimes we don't learn unless it hurts!  Unfortunately but true.  I know in my life, I sometimes become stubborn or arrogant and need a good swift kick to bring me back to reality.  There is also some merit to learning through the pain.  Unless you have experienced certain things you have no way of understanding someone else's pain.  God can use our scars to help heal others, be that counsel and support they need.  Next time you are wondering why things have happened or are happening to you, why would a loving God allow this to happen... maybe he is teaching you something you will need for later.  Not all difficult times are punishments, sometimes they are just the only way to get where you are going!

I Don't Want to Go...

    This past weekend I was faced with a painful situation.  My daughters and I were getting ready to go meet their mom when my three year old daughter began crying.  She came and crawled up on my lap and would not stop crying.  After about ten minutes of holding her and talking to her, she finally told me that she just did not want to go to "mommy's house".  It crushed me. 

    I was forced to talk about all the fun things that she might do at mommy's house and that it would be OK.  No dice!  I had to figure out a way to "sell" going to mommy's but I had to be mindful not to make her feel that I did not want her to stay.  My solution, we drew pictures and packed up some cupcakes they made to give her.  She was proud of her cupcakes and her picture, so that was enough of a distraction to put her at ease. Here is a bit of review of the weekend...

    It was my birthday last week, which made things tense for the girls.  They saw a birthday card I received in the mail and started asking about it.  I told them it was Daddy's birthday and immediately my five year old's face dropped.  She was upset that mommy did not tell her and that my girls did not get me a present.  I told them that they were my present and the only thing I wanted was to spend time with them.  Though she agreed that she could be my present, she was still bothered and told me that she did not understand why "mommy had them buy 'Harry' (my ex's boyfriend) a present, but did not let them get me one."  People often underestimate how perceptive a child is!  I told her that she probably forgot and again that it didn't matter, that they would make my day special.

    We decided to have a cookout, yes every little girls delicacy of choice - hot dogs.  I let them pick what we made, and Hot dogs won.  I secretly was hoping for steak, but hey it was my birthday and they wanted to make me dinner.  Next came the cake, my oldest was VERY upset that I was going to help make the cake. She insisted that it was my birthday so I COULD NOT make my own cake.  We reached a deal, I would measure and work the stove and they would pour and stir. (Yes I took pictures - priceless!!)  We also agreed that it might be better to make cupcakes and let them put the icing on them.  I can honestly say it was a birthday I will never forget!

   My ex had a competition that weekend and did well. She sent me a text message and I relayed the information to the girls.  They did not quite understand the event, but I told them they should be proud.  We went to the store and they asked to get her a card, so they each picked out one.  Ultimately they chose cards with puppies on them, one birthday and one get well card.  I took a marker and blacked out the printed words and they wrote their own message and colored a picture for her. They were very excited and proud. 

   When I finished talking to my three year old about the weekend, she was OK with going to see mommy.  I did not tell this story to tell everyone "Look at me, I am a great dad, etc"  nor did I write it to put down their mother...  That is NOT the point.  Often times people forget, the adults do not matter, it is all about the children.  Their mother's birthday is coming and we will go out and get cards and I will give them some money to buy her something.  Why?  Because it is about the girls, they might not understand everything going on, but they know that you give people presents on their birthday.  I want them to be happy and healthy.  If they want to do something nice for someone, that is what is important, not my feelings for that person.

   I encourage you to take a step back and look at things from your children's perspective... a little discomfort on your part can be priceless to them.  They are the ones that love you despite yourself, just as they love your ex...  making them choose or making them feel they can not freely express their love for both parents is cruel and wrong.  I think it is child abuse.... They are the victims of a divorce, not you and not your ex. You have chosen, for whatever reason, to divorce - they still have two parents and they still love them both.  If you try to make them choose, in the end you will lose.

Faith and Doubt....

Matthew 21:21-22  "Jesus replied, 'I tell you the truth, if you have faith and do not doubt, not only can you do what was done to the fig tree, but also you can say to this mountain, 'Go, throw yourself into the sea,' and it will be done. If you believe, you will receive whatever you ask for in prayer.'"

Matthew 18:19-20  "'Again I tell you that if two of you on earth agree about anything you ask for, it will be done for you by my Father in heaven. For where two or three come together in my name, there am I with them.'"

    Jesus shows us the keys to healing and breaking our cycles of despair. We must have faith and prayer.  Take the hand of another and pray, believe He will heal you and help you through these times and He will.  God has promised that He will do it, He is ALWAYS faithful and never fails.  When our prayers seem unanswered often our doubts sabotage our efforts.  Other times the answer God provides us requires us to act on faith to receive His blessing. 

    There is an old joke that I heard again recently... There is a woman hanging from a ledge and screaming "Lord, if you are up there save me!"  The Lord answers her, "I am here my child, just let go and I will save you."  The lady immediately starts screaming, "Is anyone else up there.... Help!"  Sometimes God gives us an answer that requires us to come out of our comfort zone or might not make "worldly" sense... but we have to remember we do not know His plan.  He is the author of the universe, we must have faith and trust in Him.

    When you feel isolated and alone, in a desperate place - sometimes the answer to your prayer is right in front of you. We have to remember there is a God and there is a devil.  The devil wants to keep us from obtaining and fulfilling God's calling on our lives and doing his work.  The devil is the author of lies and doubt, God is a loving God.  We just need to act on faith, take that first step and God's blessings will abound.  When you are scared, take hold of someones hand, unite in prayer, stay focused on God and hold on, He has more blessings than we could ever imagine in store for us.

Hope

                     HOPE

I choose to hope, choose to believe,

Longing denied, heart won’t concede.

See her face and heart skips a beat,

Longing for when lips will meet.

Alone we both deal with our pain,

Heartache and scars, are our prison chains.

Together we will be so free,

Each holds a key, our chance to be.

To be happy, to be alive,

Once united, we too will thrive.

Darkness and fears now grip your soul,

Spiraling back to days of ole.

Voices taunt and the screams do haunt,

Only deny you what you want.

Fears strangle your hopes and dreams,

Destined for pain, alone you scream.

The voices lie, and crush your hope,

Not equipped , how do you cope?

The ways you know, kill your very soul,

Questions echo, where will you go?

There is a choice you’ve yet to make,

You can choose to love for love’s sake.

There are risks and sure there are fears,

Laugh at them in our golden years.

The choice is yours alone to make,

Confusion mounts, your soul does shake.

Take a chance or submit to fear,

All I know is I love you dear.

                                                -TG

"Hello, my name's Forrest, Forrest Gump..."

            I am confused, hurt, lost, and beside myself.  Have you ever believed in something with all your heart and everything you have?  You pray about it and have a sense of peace and believe what you are doing is right?  You can see your future, you are happy, you know this is what you were meant to do, and that you were made to come together?  Then you get hit, blind sided and devastated?  You never wanted to see it coming, you chose to hope beyond hope and love with all you have… but you are left feeling it is not good enough. Am I fatally flawed?  Why am I not worth a chance?  If all the things we said were true, why are we here? 

            I have tremendous hope that this is not over… my soul aches.  I know that they are hurting too. The demons of their past have a death grip on their spirit and is trying to kill them.  I only hope and pray that they will take my hand.  Together we will heal and become more than we would ever be by ourselves. 

            In our lives fear can grip us so tight that we are paralyzed, or we flee and deny ourselves a future.  It you are unhappy now, why not take a chance.  Why allow the “what if’s” to haunt us forever?  I can not force anyone to try…  I can only hope that they will.  Until then I must wait and pray.  I know it is true. To quote Forrest Gump, “I may not be a smart man, but I know what love is!”  J, I love you.

I Do Not Get It....

            I am sitting here, yet again trying to figure out what is wrong with me. Why can I not find my happiness?  If I found it, would I be allowed to keep it?  I am annoyed and angry with everything and ready to fight.  I have no patience, no sympathy, and most important, no compassion.

           I can not understand when people complain about their lives and how others “ruin” things for them.  These are the same people that will not break the cycle.  They give everyone else power over their lives, and then complain that they are not happy.  You know your heart, not anyone else – but if you let others dictate your life, you have no one to blame but yourself for your current situation. Though I am guilty of this too…. How do we set boundaries?

            I am VERY guilty of this trap myself.  I have allowed my hopes and happiness to be determined by others, only to find myself crushed and alone on a regular basis.  I take people at their word.  A promise is a promise, an apology comes from the heart, and the words “I love you” are priceless.  I forget that we live in a world that is corrupt and determined to crush and destroy everything in its path.  I forget that instead of turning to God, we tend to look inward and try to “fix” things ourselves.  We can’t.  We can not fix anything without God.  Sure we can put a band aid on just about anything, or convince ourselves we have.  In reality a band aid does nothing for a severed limb, but we go about our daily routine comforting ourselves and our self aid.  Then we can not understand why we are bleeding everywhere, making a mess, and suddenly our body begins to fail from all the disease and infection we have introduced by our own doing.

            What is the answer?  God.  Sound like a cop out?  Maybe to some, but to anyone that has experienced His healing it is the only answer.  We can only be properly and permanently healed by our creator….

Bitterness

Proverbs 14:10  "The heart knows its own bitterness, and no one shares its joy."

    I am currently reading the book Boundaries, by Dr. Henry and Dr. Townsend.  This book is very informative and provides great insight into our own personal hells we endure.  In the book they describe a scenario where you are instructed to guard some property and told you are to be held accountable if anything goes wrong - the catch is you are not given any way to defend the property or are you shown where the property begins and ends, you have an open field. That unfortunately is how many of us live our lives.  We ignore God's intent for how we should act and deal with issues, instead we choose to carry burdens we were never meant to deal with.  This creates a sense of failure, brokenness, and depression. If we are not careful this habit pattern will make it difficult to break free, so hard in fact that we can not do it without God's help. I really recommend the book, it helps explain things most of us struggle with and give us hope that we are not alone.

NOTE

at* Just a note – I have had several people try to “figure me out” through my blog and my statements.  I have also had people think I am writing specifically about them, please do not think I am condemning, attacking, or singling anyone out.  I pray and I write. I draw from my life, my views, and experiences I have either lived or know people who have.  I write to let people know they are not alone and maybe touch someone’s life.  Please do not use them to judge me and try to figure out my life and my choices – if you are reading my blog for that purpose, you are missing the point.

NOTE

* Just a note – I have had several people try to “figure me out” through my blog and my statements.  I have also had people think I am writing specifically about them, please do not think I am condemning, attacking, or singling anyone out.  I pray and I write. I draw from my life, my views, and experiences I have either lived or know people who have.  I write to let people know they are not alone and maybe touch someone’s life.  Please do not use them to judge me and try to figure out my life and my choices – if you are reading my blog for that purpose, you are missing the point.