I have been talking to a counselor for a few weeks, mainly for advice on how to help my daughters cope with all the changes and things to look for. She has been very helpful, but today was like a breath of fresh air. She looked at me and said, "Your Ex is a flaming...." I thought, yes I know that - I had already filled in all kinds of words for that phrase, but then she continued "narcissist". OK I knew basically what that meant, but I did not understand what it really meant.
We had talked about the arguments and frustration that had been occurring lately. I expressed how it frustrated me that the lies continued and the total lack of remorse. She explained that I needed to understand what I was dealing with and expect nothing less. Through my understanding I would be able to have the freedom and understanding I needed.
Being the knowledge hungry person that I am, I went home and googled "narcissistic dealing with". The first hit was an article called "Are You Involved With a Narcissistic Person?" It was like a ray of sunshine. I clicked and immediately found myself reliving my life with my Ex. I am not suggesting every Ex has something psychologically wrong, or that the counselor gave me a totally accurate diagnosis. I only know that it fits and through that I can better deal with her. It gives me the tools and understanding I need to stop the cycle of abuse and emotional blackmail.
This information was totally liberating because I try to live my life by a few rules; one being - Accept people for who they are and do not expect anything different from them. It keeps things simpler and minimizes the disappointment you subject yourself to - at least it does when I can apply it.
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