I usually quote a Bible verse and use it as the basis of some thoughts or advice, right now I can find too many verses throughout the Bible to support different pieces of what is on my heart right now. I see too many people hurting and holding on to their scars and wounds from their past. These wounds can be inflicted by strangers, "friends", relatives, spouses, parents, or ourself.
How we proceed through the healing determines how long we are hurting, how deep our wound goes, and most importantly how we heal; Will we have a little scar? No scar? Or a seeping puss filled wound that never heals? I have recently begun to understand this process and offer this advice -
1. Keep perspective! You may never be able to change the amount of interaction you have with the person that hurt you and you may have to continually interact with them. Therefore it is vital to assess the source of your pain and step back and look at the "big picture".
2. Accept the person for who they are right now! You can not change who they are, you need to realistically try to understand how they act and expect it. This will allow you to maintain control of your emotions in a hostile situation - should one arise. If you are dealing with a pathological liar - then you are setting yourself up for failure if you expect them to tell the truth and get mad when they lie. You may hope they tell the truth, but accept they probably wont! You will start to gain a little bit of control over a situation you probably would rather not deal with.
3. Own your part! If the person that you feel wronged you never apologizes - you MUST. The apology frees you from the burden of guilt, hatred, anger, revenge, etc. Whether or not the person accepts it is not your concern. You own your faults and accept responsibility for your actions - DO NOT MAKE EXCUSES. You can explain things, but never use the " I am sorry but..." or " I am sorry if you took offense..."
4. Control your anger. If you are not at the point that you can HONESTLY say you are sorry, then write. Write your thoughts, feelings, and emotions - as raw as they may be! Get the venom and hurt out. As you write let it go, then burn it - or shred it. Once it is gone, it is gone. You will feel better.
5. Then Forgiveness. Forgive them and let go. Give your hurt to God, he can fix it. Understand that we can NEVER give each other true forgiveness nor can someone totally atone for their shortcomings. We have to understand that.
Once you work through this, you will start to lighten your load - carry a little less baggage throughout the day and get a little more energy to do positive things in your life. The Max Lucado book "Traveling Light", helps expand "dropping your baggage" in various areas... we all need to let go and let God.
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