FORGIVING

Her Lies, My Pride...

 

 

7/1

 

God,

 

                I forgive Ashley for the lying and hurtful things she has said to me and my children and her conduct in front of them. I ask forgiveness for my actions and where my conduct contributed to the exchanges continuing.

                I remember most all of the lies and they still bother me, not because of a love lost but because of simple pride. I want her to know that I know; that I always knew. Even today as she continues to manipulate and deceive, I still know what she is doing. I get angry when I see my girls and I struggling but see her profiting from her actions. I know that there are things in motion that I do not know and forgive me for my anger and frustration – all things work in accordance with Your timing, not mine.

Why do I allow it to bother me, even though I know these things? Why do I care that simple courtesies are not acknowledged or returned? She did not acknowledge or return them during the marriage, why would I expect anything different now?  I know that I get frustrated and think, “It doesn’t have to be this way… think of the children…why continue to fight over nothing?” Though I must remember I can no dictate how she acts, I can only control my own actions. If I am doing what is right and conducting myself in accordance with Your ways, then that is what is important.

God, I ask that you forgive me for my anger and prideful spirit when I deal with Ashley – just because I feel she is treating me unfairly or unjustly does not mean I am allowed to treat her in the same manner. You did not call me to be a doormat, but you did call me to be a light – how can I be a light if I allow all the darkness to flow from me? Please forgive me. Where there are areas of un-forgiveness in my heart, reveal them to me so I may surrender them to you. And as I surrender these things I ask that you remove them from me and replace them with more of You and Your heart.

Lastly I ask that you make yourself known to Ashley and her family – that they may come to know you and develop a relationship with you. You have called all people and you said “whosoever believes…” I pray that she will experience the healing, joy, and blessings you have ready to bestow upon her.

 

In  Jesus name, Amen

"A"

I forgive “A” for the lying, manipulation, cheating, cruelty, and overall abuse during our divorce.  I admit and have confessed the things I did to help perpetuate things and any role I played in leading to the divorce.  At times I still struggle with my desire to get revenge or make her hurt too and for that I am wrong.  It is not my place to judge or condemn her for her actions, that is between her and God – just as it is between her boyfriend and God as well.  I can not hold on to any of the anger or hatred I sometimes feel because that will ultimately consume me and become a poison to my spirit. If I do not forgive her completely, then God has promised – “For if you forgive men when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive men their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins.” (Matthew 6:14-15).  I need to keep my heart soft so that I can be the father and the man God has called me to be. 

            I often struggle with turning this issue over to God because my flesh wants a confession – a confession that will never come. I have to pray that God will soften her heart and that she will come to know him – but I do not pray that she will apologize, that is not my right. “But I tell you: Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you.” (Matthew 5:44)  As I continue to turn this issue over to God, he continues to bless me – that alone is comfort enough.

            Through this I have learned several things about myself and my relationship with God.  Often in my life I have tried to force things to happen the way “I think” they should and not allow God’s plan to happen.  Let me rephrase that – I have fought against God’s will and the result is that things still happen and I get battered. I have put myself through so much suffering and pain that I was never intended to endure but since I chose my way instead of God’s, then the suffering was inevitable.

            

            I will not say that it is God’s will for people to divorce, he has established marriage as a sacred institution – however I believe he allows our hardened hearts and free will to destroy it if we choose to ignore His will.  I believe that sometimes people marry the wrong person for the wrong reasons, just as I believe they marry the wrong person for the right reasons. The wrong person is still the wrong person.  There are a couple verses I have found comfort in during my divorce and I offer them to others that might be in or have gone through a similar situation.

            Ecclesiastes 7:26 “I find more bitter than death the woman who is a snare, whose heart is a trap and whose hands are chains. The man who pleases God will escape her, but the sinner she will ensnare.”

            There is much debate about divorce and the Bible and if one may remarry. People quote several different scriptures to support their belief. I am not trying to debate the remarriage issue; I want to simply refer to 1 Corinthians 7:15. This passage is talking about marriage and when a Christian is married to a non believer. “But if the unbeliever leaves, let him do so. A believing man or woman is not bound in such circumstances; God has called us to live in peace…” In my situation, my wife was a non believer and the closer I came in my relationship with God, the more problems we had. She ultimately had an affair and currently is living with him. It is difficult, but I must forgive her – even when she hurts my children. I rely on God to be my rock and guide me to be the father to my daughters he has called me to be.

“A”, I forgive you and pray that God will help me to forgive you completely and replace the hurt and anger I have with His love and peace. I pray that you will come to know God and experience His peace and forgiveness. I place our divorce and the hurt from it into God’s hands and ask his forgiveness for my sins and to help me to forgive you completely. – Amen.

A Man I Never Knew.....

   I never knew my biological father, he and my mom divorced when I was very young. I know that he was abusive and would physically beat my mom. I was never allowed to call him dad or daddy, only his first name.  When my mom remarried, he signed over all his rights and allowed my step father to adopt me. Until recently I never realized all the resentment I held towards him. 

   When I was eighteen years old, my "aunt" contacted my mom and asked to see me.  They did not believe that I had chosen not to make contact with them, though this time I agreed to meet them. My one condition was that my "father" was not to be there.  I had taken a vow that I would physically hurt him if I ever saw him, I held all that anger all those years. The meeting was ok, nothing too exciting - though I felt they were disappointed in me.  I was not overly excited about their crops or livestock, my brother was though they really did not want much to do with him and that offended me too. 

   My father actually showed up at my aunt's house while I was there and they asked me if I wanted to see him. Again I said no and he was asked to leave - I never saw him. The next day, this classy guy pushed my 90 something year old great grandmother down and then punched my aunt and broke her jaw.  I guess some things never change.  The really hard part to understand is that my grandparents made excuses for him, he has never been held responsible...

   This past week while I was praying and asking God to show me where I have allowed my heart to harden, these memories came to mind. I was reminded of broken memories and the hurt I have held all these years, so of them I have never admitted to myself.  Here is my "I forgive..."

   "I forgive you for not taking an interest in me.  I forgive you for the way you treated my mother. I have always wondered why I was not worth an effort and often times have assumed that I am not worth much to anyone - that was not your fault and I know that. Though I do have to forgive you and let go of the pain I have held for all this time. I pray that God will help heal your heart and your spirit and that he will make himself known to you.  I forgive you for hurting me and I was wrong to hold on to the hatred for hurting my mother.  I forgive you and turn this over to God and ask that he take it from me."