FORGIVING

But They Did It To Me First....

Romans 12:17-21  “Do not repay anyone evil for evil. Be careful to do what is right in the eyes of everybody. If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone. Do not take revenge, my friends, but leave room for God’s wrath, for it is written: ‘It is mine to avenge; I will repay,’ says the Lord. On the contrary: ‘If your enemy is hungry, feed him; if he is thirsty, give him something to drink. In doing this, you will heap burning coals on his head.’ Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.”

 

           

                How tempting is it to reply to someone out of spite? Or to justify one’s actions with the childish phrase, “Well they did it to me first!” Throughout the Bible we are taught this is not the way to respond. We are to forgive one another as Christ forgives us, even more specifically we are to forgive each other so Christ will forgive us (Matt 18:35).

                As Christians we know Jesus died for the sins of the world, through His death we have been given a way to be reconciled with God. If we truly believe Jesus died for our sins; we must acknowledge that the “debt” of another’s sin is not ours to collect. A person’s sin is between them and God, we are told we must forgive. Forgiving is not easy and often we have to work through the process, but we must remain diligent in our efforts.

                We are called to love, not to hate. We are to be reflections of Christ’s love to the world. Take a few moments to think and pray, is there someone you need to forgive? It does not matter if you feel they owe you an apology – that is between them and God. Your need to forgive them is about your relationship with God. When we are reluctant to forgive each other, our relationship with God is hindered.

Every Thorn

2 Corinthians 12:7-9 "To keep me from becoming conceited because of these surpassingly great revelations, there was given me a thorn in my flesh, a messenger of Satan, to torment me. Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me. But he said to me, 'My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.'"

                  

    There are times when we must endure hardship or suffering. We may not understand why we must suffer and why it appears God is ignoring our cries, but we must submit to His perfect ways and His perfect timing. It is better to suffer with God than to be destined to repeat our failures and fail to grow.

Why Forgive

 Mark 11:24-25  “Therefore I tell you, whatever you ask for in prayer, believe that you have received it, and it will be yours. And when you stand praying, if you hold anything against anyone, forgive him, so that your Father in heaven may forgive you your sins.”

 

                Most Christians are familiar with the verse 24, they often quote this verse as the basis of the “name it and claim it” doctrine. They tend to ignore where Jesus focuses on the person’s heart – the importance of forgiveness. It is not by accident these verses are linked.

                If you are struggling in your walk, in your prayer life, or with unanswered prayers – maybe it is time to look at your heart. Are you holding on to any un-forgiveness? We know that our sins can limit our relationship with God and from verse 25 there is a direct link to our reluctance to forgive someone and God forgiving our sins…

Forgiving someone requires humility, patience, and love. We must put our pride aside and let go of our sense of being wronged or hurt and give it over to God. In John 3:16 the words “whoever believes,” include that person you are in conflict with, if they can be forgiven and their sins can be covered, then it is not your debt to collect. We have to exercise patience, forgiving is not automatic and it does take a continuous effort and time. Our society has almost made forgiveness equal to weakness and compassion equal to cowardice, but we must remember we are not of the same mind as our world. Jesus told us to, “Love your neighbor as yourself.” (Matt 22:39)  We want to be forgiven, so we must forgive.  Forgiving is not easy – but it is required.

 

Here We Go Again!

Matthew 18:21-22  "Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, "Lord how many times shall I forgive my brother when he sins against me? Up to seven times?"  Jesus answered, "I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times."

 

    Peter thought he was being generous and offered to forgive seven times but Jesus told him seventy-seven times. In today's language it would be seventy times seven, this represented a countless number. Occasionally I find myself asking God how often I have to forgive and let go of my hurt feelings and anger - it is especially hard when it is the same person over and over again. My flesh screams, "It is not fair! There are rules and they need to be held accountable! How will things ever change if they are not made to answer for these transgressions? If we just keep letting them get away with it, they will only get worse."

    Today I was emotionally raw, so of course I get confronted with a "repeat offender." I felt my neck tense and my jaw tighten. It is so frustrating and unfair. They keep getting away with things and then they have the audacity to feel entitled and justified in their actions. They are acting so selfishly and without regard for anyone else... I have vented to others and I have found a sea of supporters, so I am right, right?  Wrong! 

     I was in the middle of my internal dialogue, telling myself how unfair things were and asking God, "How much more do I have to take?" when I knew God wanted to tell me something. The verse in Matthew came to mind and the parable that followed about the wicked servant. Then I began to see all my sins, just over the past couple days... My anger quickly faded. I was so ashamed and broken.

    When we stop to think about things in the terms of "fair," Christians always lose. Jesus paid for our sins - that is not fair. The Bible is clear about the cost of sin, but through Christ our debts are paid. Each time we sin we essentially are sending Jesus to the cross again. How "fair" is that?  Next time we feel the pride and anger building inside, instead of seeking justice and our own sense of fairness, let's ask ourselves a simple question - "How many times did Christ die for me today?"

Afraid of the Mirror?

Hebrews 10:24-25  "And let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds. Let us not give up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but let us encourage one another - and all the more as you see the Day approaching."

 

    I read this verse and started reflecting on my relationships with people... then I asked myself some hard questions...    

    Why do we hold on to people that bring us down? People that build themselves up at our expense? Most people gain something from a relationship, that is why we stay in them. Why do we hold on to those people that hurt us? If we carefully look at those people we associate with, what does it really say about us?

    Do we have a lot of friends that only know us on a superficial level? Do we allow people to be rude or judgemental because we secretly feel unworthy? What are we hiding from? ArMaybe we are really afraid of the mirror, a mirror that only reflects the truth of our character and not what we would like to see? Maybe that fear is what keeps us mired in superficial, shallow, and ultimately damaging relationships. If we keep people at a distance then we are justified in dismissing their opinions because they do not "really" know us. The problem is that eventually we lose track of who we really are as well, we are reduced to a bit role in our own twisted and superficial world. One day we may wake up to find ourselves lost in a sea of anxiety and lonliness wondering who we are and how we got here. We wake up isolated and defeated.

    We were never called to be alone, we were designed to have fellowship with God and each other. We grow when we have accountability with one another and have transparent relationships. Fear of rejection allows us to remain in our sin, it is the freedom gained through accountability that allows us to grow and to heal.

    Take some time to carefully examine your relationships. Spend some time in prayer. Ask God to show you if there are any relationships that are hindering your walk with him - seek His strength and guidance. We are not to shun the world, we are to bring God's love and His light to it.

But They Are Lying....

Proverbs 19:5  "A false witness will not go unpunished, and he who pours out lies will not go free."

Proverbs 19:9  "A false witness will not go unpunished, and he who pours out lies will perish."

 

                    

 

    Having gone through a divorce and ugly custody battle, I have been saddled with un forgiveness.  Sometimes I allow myself to replay the tape in my mind, hearing the lies, deceit and dishonesty again can start an avalanche of emotions.  If I allow it to continue I soon fine myself mired in self pity and anger - I am angry at the courts, my ex-wife, my lawyer, myself, and even God. I want things fair and I want justice - NOW!

    How prideful of me and how little faith in God am I showing by allowing my emotions to take over my thoughts.  There is comfort in those Proverbs, though we must temper our perspective and hopes by trusting in God and His timing. We do not know what the future holds and we do not know the hearts and true sufferings of others, but God does.  We have no right to judge and condemn others because of their transgressions, but God does.

    What we can and should do is simple; we need to let God be God and we need to confess our hearts to Him.  We need to be humble and honest, express our frustrations and our pain to Him. We can admit our weaknesses and acknowledge our lack of vision or understanding - but we must let go of the anger and un forgiveness... that is the only part of this scenario that we can control - how we react to them.

    We have to understand that we can not control anything about another person - we may try and there might even appear to be some level of successful manipulation at times, but in the end we lose. Look at all the energy we spend in self dialogue, replaying the tapes, playing the "what if" game, and just being bitter.  Why not let God deal with them and allow Him to heal our hearts; Let us enjoy the fruits of His spirit and experience the freedom that comes with finally experiencing true forgiveness.

What Does Your Heart Really Say?

Proverbs 13:2  “From the fruit of his lips a man enjoys good things, but the unfaithful have a craving for violence.”

 

 

            This verse is addressing a heart condition, the same heart condition that Jesus addresses in Matthew 15. Jesus is giving a lesson about purity; he was getting questioned by the Pharisees and other teachers as to why the disciples had broken from tradition and eaten without washing their hands. Jesus eventually turns to the crowd to teach a simple lesson.

             “Jesus called the crowd to him and said, “Listen and understand. What goes into a man’s mouth does not make him ‘unclean,’ but what comes out of his mouth, that is what makes him ‘unclean.’” (Matt 15:10-11)

            Of course this was a confusing statement for the people; generation after generation had followed Old Testament law for determining clean and unclean. The confusion prompted Peter to ask Jesus to explain.

            “’Are you still so dull?’ Jesus asked them. ‘Don’t you see that whatever enters the mouth goes into the stomach and then out of the body? But things that come out of the mouth come from the heart, and these make a man ‘unclean.’ For out of the heart come evil thoughts, murder, adultery, sexual immorality, theft, false testimony, slander. These are what make a man ‘unclean’; but eating with unwashed hands does not make him ‘unclean.’” (Matt 15:16-20)

            It is easy to take a “finger pointing” view of this verse and use it to explain why some people treat us a certain way or maybe they respond to a gesture you intended as kind with hatred. How often do you reflect on your thoughts? Your language? Or how you respond to a negative person?  What does that say about your heart?  These are questions we do not like to answer and ones we typically avoid answering honestly about ourselves. 

            It is so much easier to use these verses for comfort or to justify rather than conduct a critical self assessment. How much easier is it to say, “Oh she/he is just a bitter and hateful person.” - than to say, “Where did those thoughts come from? God change my heart.”  We need to avoid following the examples of the Pharisees and getting caught up in the mere tradition and appearance of what we should do – we need to allow our hearts to be changed. If the heart is changed, the outside will follow.

          

 

Demolition or Construction?

Proverbs 11:9 "With his mouth the godless destroys his neighbor, but through knowledge the righteous escape."

Proverbs 11:12 "A man who lacks judgement derides his neighbor, but a man of understanding holds his tongue."

    Think of your "enemy".  Someone who seems out to ruin you, no matter how kind of nice you try to be, they just respond with something nasty.  You know before you open your mouth that even the simplest words, "Hi, nice day isn't it?" will be met with hostility.  You can do nothing to change their heart, their actions, or the way they treat you - NOTHING.  Accepting that you can not change them is so incredibly difficult, it goes against our instincts.  Somewhere deep down we have this sense of fairness and a desire to solve things, we convince ourselves that if we are nice to them they will suddenly see that they have no justification to be mean and things will at least be peaceful.  The truth is simple; they do not need a reason to not like you, they do not need to justify anything, they are just acting on how they feel or perceive things - no reason, no logic, just action.

     Their nastiness does not give us the right, as Christians, to respond to them any differently.  We need to reflect God's love and remain consistent in our actions, but we should also understand that some people will reject us because of it too.  These verses are a reminder that we are not to simply respond to those people in the same manner they attack us, we are to constantly strive to build up and lift up - not tear down.  If we get pulled into that trap eventually we have two battered and broken people with emotional scars that will last so much longer than our brief spat...  It is just not worth it. 

    Why not be prayerful about the situation?  When you know you are going to face them, spend time in prayer first.  Ask God to strengthen you and show you how to handle the situation before you find yourself in the middle - be prepared.  Ask God to use you in a way that is consistent with His character and so that you may reflect His love in you and that nothing you do will diminish His work. - Though be careful, God might just tell you to bite your tongue and turn the other cheek.... though in the end you will both be blessed and you will not be burdened with the guilt, un-forgiveness, etc that you would have if you just responded from your flesh.

 

Prayer of a Broken Man

 

                What am I supposed to do?  I feel like I have taken a giant step backwards in a matter of moments. How do you deal with impossible people? Tonight I was attacked on every side and I failed. I got sucked into the games, I allowed this to distract me and wear on me. I only want what is best for my daughters, why must everything be a battle.

                God what am I to do? I fear I am losing everything, I feel it slowly slipping and I am losing my focus. Draw me back to you. I am crushed and heartbroken, empty and torn, I am drifting. I feel so alone and helpless. I am trying to do what is right. I pray and ask for your strength and love – I ask that you help me forgive and treat them out of love; God how do you love those that hate everything about you. Those that are so irrational and deceitful – how do you love us?

                God I cannot do anything without you. I do not have the strength in me to even calm myself so I can sleep. My future is so uncertain – it is scary and seemingly ready to destroy me at a moment’s notice. All I value and hold dear are hanging by a single thread and it is fraying. Why bring me this far to crush me? I know you are good and your ways are always the best and just – God help me to see past my current struggle, my current trial, help me to focus on the victory. Forgive my fears - my fears show my lack of faith. You are the creator of all things; I know you can carry me through this. God because I know I cannot. I am empty and broken.

                For years I have tried to figure out my path. Tonight I am broken. I am beaten down and I feel totally alone and misunderstood. I feel like I am alone against the world and there is no encouragement, no justice, no support, and no hope. Renew my spirit oh God. Take me in your wings and protect me. Mend my broken spirit and cleanse me of my sins. God I have been sifted, if I must endure more I ask for your strength to endure. I do not know your ways, I do not know your reasons, but I do know you are God and you are good. I will trust in you. “Some trust in chariots and some in horses, but we trust in the name of the Lord our God.” (Psalm 20:7)

                You know the desires of my heart and you know my path. You know the purpose for which I was created. I have spent enough of my life trying to do things my way – whenever I failed to do it 100% your way, I failed to submit to you. Forgive me. My life, my daughters, and our future are in your hands. I do not know how Abraham felt; I can only imagine when you told him to sacrifice Isaac the conflict he must have had in his heart. God you know the tremendous faith he showed taking him up that hill, God strengthen me… I am walking up my hill and I have to trust that you will provide for me just as you did Abraham.

Forgive me for viewing them as my daughters – they are yours. I praise you for loaning them to me and allowing me to be in their lives.  May I never taint their perception of you, you have allowed me to share the title of father – but I know that I am only a sinful man. God may they see your light in me, may I model your behaviors and encourage them on their walk. If there is anything in me that can hinder them I ask you to remove it. I have played enough games in my life, wasted enough time, squandered enough gifts and talents… I am sorry.

God forgive me. I am nothing without you. You can do all things and you do not need me for any of them. It is only by your grace that we are invited into a relationship with you, that you allow us to know you, and that you gave us your Son so we may be reunited with you for eternity. God how selfish am I? I cannot fathom losing my daughters for a day. How much did it take to allow your blameless and perfect son to suffer, be tortured and murdered by the very people he was sent to save? I cannot understand that kind of love – I can only stand in awe and be thankful for your mercy. 

God I am heartbroken – not only for my current trials and situation, but the reality that each time I sin I am the reason Jesus died. That your law is clear, you tell us repeatedly that the price of sin is death… how often do we try to white wash our sins? We are making a mockery of your son’s sacrifice. I am so sorry. We take your mercy and grace so lightly – we have allowed ourselves to become accustomed to saying a quick little prayer and moving on.  We have allowed our concept of a “relationship” with you as a quick bath – “Ask God to forgive me and I am good. Go to church on Sunday to start the week off with a clean slate.” What happens if we die on Wednesday? Or how about Saturday night? Your son was beaten, broken, and died a horrifying and brutal death all for me. How can we forget that? How have I failed to understand that I cause the need for that sacrifice on dozens of occasions DAILY? Maybe we are just so sinful that we cannot distinguish our own level of sin.

God I have prayed for you to teach me to love like you – to give me the love you speak of in the Bible…. I thank you for the works you have begun in me. I find comfort in, “Be confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus” (Phil 1:6). I did not know exactly what my prayers entailed, but I will not change it. I know that these trials and sifting are all part of your purpose for me and you are changing my heart and I thank you. I will praise you in the suffering because I know you have a purpose and that if it were not necessary you would not subject me to it. You are good.

I forgive my anger tonight, my actions, my thoughts, my pride, arrogance, and the haste at which I went to them. Instead of turning straight to you as the pressure mounted I tried to “make sense” of the situation. I tried to grab the wheel. Forgive me. Cover me in your love, your joy, and your peace. May I keep my eyes on you and submit to your guidance and will – may I hear you clearly as the noise of the world rages around me. May I know your voice so distinctly that I can focus solely on you during those times.

God you are so good to me. You have blessed me beyond anything I could ever deserve. I thank you for your faithfulness and goodness. God I ask that those that oppose me in various areas of my life, that you show them your love and may they know you. May they see you in me, may I not allow my flesh to taint your image and may my interactions with them be consistent to your character. God I am so sorry… Thank you for your son and the gift you gave me.

-Amen

Are You Adding To It?

Proverbs 30:5-6  "Every word of God is flawless; he is a shield to those who take refuge in him. Do not add to his words, or he will rebuke you and prove you a liar."

 

    How often do we choose to operate in that gray area, decide that "God actually meant" or "God made me so he understands my weaknesses." What prideful statements! Instead of spending all that time looking for loopholes, why not spend half of it truly knowing His word and the rest of the time on our knees?