FORGIVING

But They Did It To Me First....

Romans 12:17-21  “Do not repay anyone evil for evil. Be careful to do what is right in the eyes of everybody. If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone. Do not take revenge, my friends, but leave room for God’s wrath, for it is written: ‘It is mine to avenge; I will repay,’ says the Lord. On the contrary: ‘If your enemy is hungry, feed him; if he is thirsty, give him something to drink. In doing this, you will heap burning coals on his head.’ Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.”

 

           

                How tempting is it to reply to someone out of spite? Or to justify one’s actions with the childish phrase, “Well they did it to me first!” Throughout the Bible we are taught this is not the way to respond. We are to forgive one another as Christ forgives us, even more specifically we are to forgive each other so Christ will forgive us (Matt 18:35).

                As Christians we know Jesus died for the sins of the world, through His death we have been given a way to be reconciled with God. If we truly believe Jesus died for our sins; we must acknowledge that the “debt” of another’s sin is not ours to collect. A person’s sin is between them and God, we are told we must forgive. Forgiving is not easy and often we have to work through the process, but we must remain diligent in our efforts.

                We are called to love, not to hate. We are to be reflections of Christ’s love to the world. Take a few moments to think and pray, is there someone you need to forgive? It does not matter if you feel they owe you an apology – that is between them and God. Your need to forgive them is about your relationship with God. When we are reluctant to forgive each other, our relationship with God is hindered.

Every Thorn

2 Corinthians 12:7-9 "To keep me from becoming conceited because of these surpassingly great revelations, there was given me a thorn in my flesh, a messenger of Satan, to torment me. Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me. But he said to me, 'My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.'"

                  

    There are times when we must endure hardship or suffering. We may not understand why we must suffer and why it appears God is ignoring our cries, but we must submit to His perfect ways and His perfect timing. It is better to suffer with God than to be destined to repeat our failures and fail to grow.

Provoked?

Proverbs 27:3  "Stone is heavy and sand a burden, but provocation by a fool is heavier than both."

    We all have people in our lives that we just can not understand. We sit back and lose countless hours trying to answer one question, "Why?" Why do they act this way? Why can't they just relax? Why do they have to be so hostile and difficult? in the course of all our questions we often fail to ask ourselves the most important question: "Why am I wasting all this energy trying to understand someone that defies logic?"

    There has to be a point where we simply accept that we will not understand them or the situation, often times we are not meant to understand. We have to allow them to be themselves but we do not have to allow them to continually disrupt our peace and our happiness. If you are in a conflict with someone or there is a great deal of tension and you are at the end of your rope - stop and reflect. 

    Ask yourself how many times you have allowed yourself to ruin your day by dealing with this issue. Have you argued or fought with someone else because of this person's actions or the drama? Are you allowing them to rob your joy? Some people live for conflict, the Bible sometimes refers to them as fools... It is ok to set a boundary and not allow the drama to impact the other areas of your life. Make peace with yourself and conduct yourself in a manner that is constitent with God's love. We are not meant to understand everything or everyone and unfortunately there are going to be people that simply do not like you - They might not even know why themselves, so you surely are not going to be able to understand it either. What you can control is the amount of time and energy you waste at the provocation by a fool.  

Why Forgive

 Mark 11:24-25  “Therefore I tell you, whatever you ask for in prayer, believe that you have received it, and it will be yours. And when you stand praying, if you hold anything against anyone, forgive him, so that your Father in heaven may forgive you your sins.”

 

                Most Christians are familiar with the verse 24, they often quote this verse as the basis of the “name it and claim it” doctrine. They tend to ignore where Jesus focuses on the person’s heart – the importance of forgiveness. It is not by accident these verses are linked.

                If you are struggling in your walk, in your prayer life, or with unanswered prayers – maybe it is time to look at your heart. Are you holding on to any un-forgiveness? We know that our sins can limit our relationship with God and from verse 25 there is a direct link to our reluctance to forgive someone and God forgiving our sins…

Forgiving someone requires humility, patience, and love. We must put our pride aside and let go of our sense of being wronged or hurt and give it over to God. In John 3:16 the words “whoever believes,” include that person you are in conflict with, if they can be forgiven and their sins can be covered, then it is not your debt to collect. We have to exercise patience, forgiving is not automatic and it does take a continuous effort and time. Our society has almost made forgiveness equal to weakness and compassion equal to cowardice, but we must remember we are not of the same mind as our world. Jesus told us to, “Love your neighbor as yourself.” (Matt 22:39)  We want to be forgiven, so we must forgive.  Forgiving is not easy – but it is required.

 

How Do I Forgive?

 

How Do I Forgive?

 

In my heart I know what’s right,

Anger and lies only fuel the fight.

Look at me, but do not see,

No ill for you – Let me be.

 

The venom still on your lips,

Knows no truth, only jabs and quips,

A heart of anger and of hate,

Forgive-n-heal, it’s getting late.

 

To forgive, What do I do?

Turn to the One who forgave you.

At the cross all bought and paid,

There hurt and anger must be laid.

 

Forgive each day a little more,

Over time no more a chore.

No more anger, jus' joy-n-peace,

Cause His love does never cease.

                                -TG

My Only Hope

 

My Only Hope

 

I hear the warnings, still I go,

Pain awaits me, it’s wrong I know.

Instant regret – hopeless I feel,

Destined to repeat  ‘less I kneel.

 

Two steps forward, then four more back,

Alone and broken, faith I lack.

Freely falling without a net,

My enemies circle, place your bet.

 

To you I scream “What should I do?”

Low reply says to trust in you.

How to trust when I can’t see?

Pain is real – it is killing me!

 

Evil seems to win and succeed,

Shift my focus it’s you I need.

So alone and feel no love,

True love was shown – came from above.

 

Not of this world, we claim to be,

Forgiven, chosen, and set free.

Chaos abounds – though eyes on you,

My only hope to get me through.

                               

                                                -TG

Here We Go Again!

Matthew 18:21-22  "Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, "Lord how many times shall I forgive my brother when he sins against me? Up to seven times?"  Jesus answered, "I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times."

 

    Peter thought he was being generous and offered to forgive seven times but Jesus told him seventy-seven times. In today's language it would be seventy times seven, this represented a countless number. Occasionally I find myself asking God how often I have to forgive and let go of my hurt feelings and anger - it is especially hard when it is the same person over and over again. My flesh screams, "It is not fair! There are rules and they need to be held accountable! How will things ever change if they are not made to answer for these transgressions? If we just keep letting them get away with it, they will only get worse."

    Today I was emotionally raw, so of course I get confronted with a "repeat offender." I felt my neck tense and my jaw tighten. It is so frustrating and unfair. They keep getting away with things and then they have the audacity to feel entitled and justified in their actions. They are acting so selfishly and without regard for anyone else... I have vented to others and I have found a sea of supporters, so I am right, right?  Wrong! 

     I was in the middle of my internal dialogue, telling myself how unfair things were and asking God, "How much more do I have to take?" when I knew God wanted to tell me something. The verse in Matthew came to mind and the parable that followed about the wicked servant. Then I began to see all my sins, just over the past couple days... My anger quickly faded. I was so ashamed and broken.

    When we stop to think about things in the terms of "fair," Christians always lose. Jesus paid for our sins - that is not fair. The Bible is clear about the cost of sin, but through Christ our debts are paid. Each time we sin we essentially are sending Jesus to the cross again. How "fair" is that?  Next time we feel the pride and anger building inside, instead of seeking justice and our own sense of fairness, let's ask ourselves a simple question - "How many times did Christ die for me today?"

Afraid of the Mirror?

Hebrews 10:24-25  "And let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds. Let us not give up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but let us encourage one another - and all the more as you see the Day approaching."

 

    I read this verse and started reflecting on my relationships with people... then I asked myself some hard questions...    

    Why do we hold on to people that bring us down? People that build themselves up at our expense? Most people gain something from a relationship, that is why we stay in them. Why do we hold on to those people that hurt us? If we carefully look at those people we associate with, what does it really say about us?

    Do we have a lot of friends that only know us on a superficial level? Do we allow people to be rude or judgemental because we secretly feel unworthy? What are we hiding from? ArMaybe we are really afraid of the mirror, a mirror that only reflects the truth of our character and not what we would like to see? Maybe that fear is what keeps us mired in superficial, shallow, and ultimately damaging relationships. If we keep people at a distance then we are justified in dismissing their opinions because they do not "really" know us. The problem is that eventually we lose track of who we really are as well, we are reduced to a bit role in our own twisted and superficial world. One day we may wake up to find ourselves lost in a sea of anxiety and lonliness wondering who we are and how we got here. We wake up isolated and defeated.

    We were never called to be alone, we were designed to have fellowship with God and each other. We grow when we have accountability with one another and have transparent relationships. Fear of rejection allows us to remain in our sin, it is the freedom gained through accountability that allows us to grow and to heal.

    Take some time to carefully examine your relationships. Spend some time in prayer. Ask God to show you if there are any relationships that are hindering your walk with him - seek His strength and guidance. We are not to shun the world, we are to bring God's love and His light to it.

But They Are Lying....

Proverbs 19:5  "A false witness will not go unpunished, and he who pours out lies will not go free."

Proverbs 19:9  "A false witness will not go unpunished, and he who pours out lies will perish."

 

                    

 

    Having gone through a divorce and ugly custody battle, I have been saddled with un forgiveness.  Sometimes I allow myself to replay the tape in my mind, hearing the lies, deceit and dishonesty again can start an avalanche of emotions.  If I allow it to continue I soon fine myself mired in self pity and anger - I am angry at the courts, my ex-wife, my lawyer, myself, and even God. I want things fair and I want justice - NOW!

    How prideful of me and how little faith in God am I showing by allowing my emotions to take over my thoughts.  There is comfort in those Proverbs, though we must temper our perspective and hopes by trusting in God and His timing. We do not know what the future holds and we do not know the hearts and true sufferings of others, but God does.  We have no right to judge and condemn others because of their transgressions, but God does.

    What we can and should do is simple; we need to let God be God and we need to confess our hearts to Him.  We need to be humble and honest, express our frustrations and our pain to Him. We can admit our weaknesses and acknowledge our lack of vision or understanding - but we must let go of the anger and un forgiveness... that is the only part of this scenario that we can control - how we react to them.

    We have to understand that we can not control anything about another person - we may try and there might even appear to be some level of successful manipulation at times, but in the end we lose. Look at all the energy we spend in self dialogue, replaying the tapes, playing the "what if" game, and just being bitter.  Why not let God deal with them and allow Him to heal our hearts; Let us enjoy the fruits of His spirit and experience the freedom that comes with finally experiencing true forgiveness.

What Does Your Heart Really Say?

Proverbs 13:2  “From the fruit of his lips a man enjoys good things, but the unfaithful have a craving for violence.”

 

 

            This verse is addressing a heart condition, the same heart condition that Jesus addresses in Matthew 15. Jesus is giving a lesson about purity; he was getting questioned by the Pharisees and other teachers as to why the disciples had broken from tradition and eaten without washing their hands. Jesus eventually turns to the crowd to teach a simple lesson.

             “Jesus called the crowd to him and said, “Listen and understand. What goes into a man’s mouth does not make him ‘unclean,’ but what comes out of his mouth, that is what makes him ‘unclean.’” (Matt 15:10-11)

            Of course this was a confusing statement for the people; generation after generation had followed Old Testament law for determining clean and unclean. The confusion prompted Peter to ask Jesus to explain.

            “’Are you still so dull?’ Jesus asked them. ‘Don’t you see that whatever enters the mouth goes into the stomach and then out of the body? But things that come out of the mouth come from the heart, and these make a man ‘unclean.’ For out of the heart come evil thoughts, murder, adultery, sexual immorality, theft, false testimony, slander. These are what make a man ‘unclean’; but eating with unwashed hands does not make him ‘unclean.’” (Matt 15:16-20)

            It is easy to take a “finger pointing” view of this verse and use it to explain why some people treat us a certain way or maybe they respond to a gesture you intended as kind with hatred. How often do you reflect on your thoughts? Your language? Or how you respond to a negative person?  What does that say about your heart?  These are questions we do not like to answer and ones we typically avoid answering honestly about ourselves. 

            It is so much easier to use these verses for comfort or to justify rather than conduct a critical self assessment. How much easier is it to say, “Oh she/he is just a bitter and hateful person.” - than to say, “Where did those thoughts come from? God change my heart.”  We need to avoid following the examples of the Pharisees and getting caught up in the mere tradition and appearance of what we should do – we need to allow our hearts to be changed. If the heart is changed, the outside will follow.