Most of you know the deal – deployed to
Last week I attended mediation with my ex-wife in hopes of coming to an agreement about child custody etc. I spent my morning in prayer and reading my Bible, I knew that she would continue to lie to the courts and I wanted to be in a place that I could not respond – after all it is about the children and not her attacking me etc. As I was reading several verses jumped of the pages and I placed them on index cards, I held the cards during the mediation – almost like a security blanket. At the end of the session we went our separate ways, she had been emotional, hostile, and very negative – all of which do not impress mediators when they are trying to help parents determine things that are in the best interest of the children.
A week prior we had a court date so we could decide the school for my daughters. I had offered my first choice and an alternative school – she refused to listen to anything except the school that was next to her house… she ignored the fact the children had been going to the same school for over two years, she had moved and wanted them to be near her. (Currently we share custody and I retained the family home.) The courts selected the alternate school because it caused the least amount of change for the children. At this hearing she decided to wave spousal support, so it seemed like she might actually be moving forward and letting go of things.
Jumping back forward – during the mediation she mentioned she lives with her new baby (1 month) and her husband. I was stunned, husband??? Granted they have been living together for over a year, have had a child, etc – though she has denied all of it so I would have to continue to pay. I asked the mediator if I could ask a question and she agreed – so I asked when she got married. My ex-wife refused to answer, and then offered this, “a couple weeks ago.” Hmm we were in court less than 10 days earlier and she waived spousal support in an act of “good faith”, but the reality was that she was already married so she was not to receive it anyway. During that hearing her “husband” was referred to as her fiancé and it was stated that he did not live there…
I gave her my check for child support last night, left out most of the spousal support – she was married she forfeited it according to the law. There was a knock at my door, there she stood and demanded I pay her for the entire month. She told me that the judge ordered me to pay for the full month and that I owed her more money. It went back and forth a bit, I told her that I would pay her what was owed but I needed to know when she got married. She refused – told me it was none of my business. In her anger she also slipped and stated that her husband had also helped her get her new home – she moved in June. This was curious because there are sworn statements she has given to the court in late June and July that her husband/boyfriend does not live there nor does he support her. Come to find out he is actually listed on the new lease! Amazing.
Last night after the drama died down I started thinking and praying… God really has taken care of me. Granted it has been difficult and I have not always been an eager or submissive student but there is no denying he is working in this. Her outbursts in the mediator and her continual lies to the court and violation of the signed stipulations are piling up. The courts are getting tired of dealing with her; hopefully they will see that her motivation in all things is money and self – not the children. My only prayer throughout this process has been for protection for my daughters and that I am allowed to offer them stability. It seems like I am only a couple weeks away from a major victory.
*Update – Her lawyer did not contact my lawyer yesterday, so maybe she was married in June or July. It is curious to note that my lawyer will pursue compensation of the attorney fees, filing fees, court costs, etc for her failure to produce documents, filing false statements concerning her living situation and spousal support. In other words her lies to get a few hundred dollars from me could end up costing her thousands.
When we are being persecuted never forget to pray for those people who plot against you. I continually pray for my ex-wife and her new husband that God will make himself known to them and that they will submit to Him. That is the best case scenario out of all this – if we both understand God’s forgiveness and Love, then the children will thrive and after all that is what it is about.
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